T, maybe others will disagree but you should try and change your attitude 180 degrees especially around your H even if you have to fake it!
If he didn't say hi don't shutdown! I'd perk up and say 'hey, how was the trip?' then don't pay attention to his attitude keep saying stuff out of your script which should include lots of perky, detached statements. Here's the reason, he knows and expects you to do and behave a certain way. You're predictable to him - not a bad thing after being married to someone so long but right now you gotta change that. If he says something mean laugh and say something like 'alright...I'm going <out, to watch TV, to read a book> we can talk about this later ok?' - then disappear.
Maybe not a great example but you get the idea...prep ahead of time and anticipate what things he can do that will send you in a downward spiral and then have an escape plan for that situation that should be a 180!
Yes, definitely find a lawyer. I'll message you with a recommendation to get you started.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Well, you have over an hour to go and it sounds like a challenging one. I guess you could look at it like he is showing you once again who he's choosing to be right now- which only reinforces what you've decided.
All of us want to hold out hope- and I would just say that, yes, life as you know it with him will be different from now on, but you could also forge a more positive relationship with him- whether you're together or not- by effecting the change you're planning.
DD calling me- hang in there (((Luv)))
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
I am so glad you are doing what needs to be done for you. At least now maybe you will have some closure. I am glad for you. It probably will feel like a really big relief to you. You know where you are headed, and you know what is good to know sometimes.
I am very impressed with you making a decision and following through with it. Nice to have your D stick up for what is right. You are setting a good example!
He will get what is long overdue to him, your H.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
"long overdue?" So you're saying she should have D him long ago?
Relationships don't fall apart very often because "he" deserved it. There are two people with problems from many sources including how they were raised - which isn't in their control.
Maybe it is the right decision and maybe she should have given up sooner. Maybe. That is her place to judge and only her place. Blaming him and encouraging Luvless to blame him will not make things better.
SR - I know who those guys are but they are too far from me. Thank you for the recommendation though and I look forward to talking to you on the alt.
alice - you are right how he's been acting towards me only reinforces my decision.
LSG - I luv your continued support. I did hope things would have worked out or somehow he'd wake up from making a big mistake but now that is over. It just doesn't matter anymore.
OT - I might be long overdue. I'm still thinking about a lot of things. I have questioned my entire M now. I didn't "give up" sooner I knew in my heart it was over and I was having a hard time accepting it...so I will accept it and move on to a better more healthy relationship. This time NO MORE MR NICE GUYS for me!!
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
((Luv)) - I am following along but don't chime in often. Talk to a lawyer, get advice. It feels good to start taking control and getting the information you need to make important life decisions. Whether you use the info or not, I found it very empowering when I started to get those ducks all lined up. Hugs.
IMO it's not about anybody "getting what they deserve" it's about somebody saying that they are worth more than being a driver, housekeeper and bill payer. As best as I can tell Luv's husband treats her like a personal assistant at best. And yes, I know sometimes we all don't know the ins and outs of day to day life.
Hey Maple - yeah I have my ducks all lined up now. It took a while but I did it. I feel such a sense of loss. I didn't think it would feel this bad. I'm going to work very hard on being ok.
Hugs back to you SoL
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Generally speaking I am not sure anybody can get to a "good place" without feeling a tremendous sense of loss. It is a very painful part of the process that cannot be skipped.
IMO that is why rebound R's/affairs implode eventually. How can one dive into something without going through the process from the last R they were in?
You have your friends, family and all of us and most of all you have YOU!
