I never cheated on her. I was dating someone else 8 years ago and was seeing her(no sex). I'm sure, even though she was technically the other women, she views that as cheating.
what do you mean you were dating someone else 8 years ago, no sex and you don't consider that cheating? you were dating this OW the same time as your G? that's cheating to me. regardless of whether there was intercourse or not.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
No, 8 years ago I was cheating on my girlfriend at the time with my now WAS. My WAS was the other woman. My relationship to my girlfriend ended and I went for IC. Shortly after I started dating my now WAS and have been faithful ever since.
I totally agree the relationship isn't healthy, thats why I'm here. None of the relationships on this site are healthy and I don't know how to get it to that place. Or if I want it at all anymore. Like everyone else here I just want a peaceful, loving relationship with my partner. And one that's monogamous.
I am in currently going for IC. The police department I work for supplies it, so far its been great.
So any advice? Continue being "dark"? I have decided I am no longer interested in being with someone who thinks its ok to leave or cheat instead of dealing with the issues inside the relationship.
So I went out this morning for my weekly trip to the local farmer's market and organic grocery store. Surprise, surprise, guess who I run into in the store. Even though I've never known her to buy organic groceries she shows up at the place i go to every week.
I was standing in an aisle and she approached, she asked me if I had seen her or if I was ignoring her. I responded with hello and that I had not seen her. I then walked off. Paid for my groceries and left. She was in line right behind me as it turns out.
I remained calm but after I felt that I was still being reactive which I was trying not to do. Not the greatest interaction but I was suprised to see her there.
So my friend text me last night saying my WAS was text him and told him she was worried about me, that i didn't look healthy. Its complete crap because I'm in excellent shape right now. I dropped some weight and have been workout lots.
So last night I received over 70 texts from WAS. Basically, everything ranging from how she never wanted this, how its my fault for things I failed to do, how i never fought for our relationship, blah, blah, blah.
The script was pretty typical from what I've read here. Thanks to the insight shared on this board I wasn't reactive as I have been in the past.
Friday night she again started texted me. Some bogus crap about looking for phone numbers to organize her brothers birthday party. I made the mistake of replying which lead to another string of 70 texts. Same as before. She never wanted to be here, why didn't I just give her what she said she needed, its my fault she left and cheated....
I've been to IC twice now and its been really good. We spent the majority of the time talking about setting and enforcing healthy boundaries. Its funny because I work in Law Enforcement and she is the only person in my life that I have allowed to walk all over me. Its not in my nature. I can related to OIN though, I have acted alot as he has in the past.
I went out two weekends ago to a local bar and has some success meeting women. This past weekend I went to my step-brothers wedding and had some success there as well. I'm not big on external validation but it is good to know that there are options.
So I'm kind of at a empass, I don't know really where to go from here. Its clear she still accepts no responsibilty for her behavior and thinks its my fault she's a chronic cheater. I know that only i can decide whether I want this woman back in my life ever again, and I'm not sure now, but I really don't know what the next step in DBing would be.
