Doc, Matilda, Jak, and DB Friends, I think the dance partnership with my W reveals the same themes we have in our R. Last night there was some conflict when practicing. I was having difficulty bringing the routine up to tempo. My dog likes to bring his toy in the room and drop it close to my feet when practicing. My fear is that I will trip over it and injure myself. My W gets annoyed with my inattention.
She got frustrated and said it was stupid that I'm not following her instructions, when I made a repeated mistake in the routine. I sat down out of frustration, which infuriated her. She left the room, and threatened to quit the formation team.
She insisted that I apologize for sitting down, and ending the practice. I didn't agree, but realized that I needed to maintain my presence and get our practice back on track, so apologized. She felt justified in her comments, so I accepted, but disagreed with her.
The themes I'm referring to are how my anxiety can get in the way of performance. She left me a message this morning telling me that I need to relax more into the routine. The other theme is her failure to empathize with my struggles. Another theme is her throwing up her hands and abruptly terminating the relationship, when she reaches a point of frustration (in this case, the practice, and almost the routine).
What I'm trying to do differently is to not get caught in her drama, or argue with her, or defend my position, or try to get her to understand where I'm at. Talking doesn't seem to solve things in the midst of conflict. I could tell the ball was in my court regarding the fate of the practice session, and maybe the routine. I told her that I wanted to resume the practice, even though I was misunderstood. I took the dog's toy, and hid it, and approached the practice with greater determination to keep up with the tempo.
We were able to perform the routine to tempo, three consecutinve times. We ended the night on a positive note, and hopefully are prepared for class tonight.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
