So I wrote this letter in which I tried to thank my H for being nice but also mentioned about wanting to do more open talking about sex, but that it is hard for me to do so. I got a Thank You card as well. It was hard to know exactly how to give him this missive because I felt I would feel odd giving it to him and being there while he read it, but there did not seem to be a good way to get it to him when I would not also be there. In the end I left it with his sandwiches last night so he would find it in the morning. As I said he gets up at 5am before I do and I stayed in bed. He obviously found the card as he had opened it but I don't know if he read the letter or what he thought of it as he went off leaving it behind. I wish he had said something as now I will have to wait all day till he gets home.
I don't know if he realises how difficult it is for me to be so honest about some of my feelings. I don't always find it difficult to talk, but I guess I always keep a lot back. So even though I did not really say much in this letter, to me it felt rather like baring my soul. Being so frank makes me feel kind of vulnerable like I have really laid myself open to getting hurt. I wouldn't do this of course if I really thought that my H would be unkind about what I said, but still it is very uncomfortable for me. It is like being exposed and I worry he may hurt me unintentionally. OK I guess I am scared he will laugh at me or say something nasty and that would be awful and cut me to the quick. But at the same time I am also afraid he would not have any reaction to it because he thought it was nothing special, when it means a lot to me (as you can see from this angst).
Well if you could see this letter you would laugh because it is nothing to get so worked up over. I will try to be a little more cool about it.
Must go to work now I have to cook the Xmas Puddings today so can't be late as they take 8hrs to cook.
