Better Days

[Bworl]

I'm going to call you Chief, since Geronimo is too many letters - hope that's ok.


Well Chief, none of us know the future. It's natural to regret not having done things right the first time. So have your time of feeling that way, but don't pass up the opportunity to eventually let it go and move on to the good stuff.


I'm guessing that somewhere beyond the recent and ongoing crap, there is still love for your wife, maybe even a wistful hope that things could turn out differently, more positively.


I don't like to say things that could contribute to anyone on here getting "stuck" so I don't usually say much about the potential of a situation, especially if the person is like you - doing a pretty good job of making life work for himself.


But I do see potential positives in your relationship with your wife. Yours is one story here where I could see things ultimately working out in the form of a renewed, rebuilt situation. I don't KNOW it will happen, but to me it seeems like there might still be some reason to believe that it's at least possible. Not true with every situation I read here.


But the truth is that you're doing things RIGHT for now. You DO have to cross that line where you allow yourself to let it go for good. You have to go through the process inside of yourself that allows you to come to peace with the ending of the marriage, and I think you've been doing that extremely well.



The fact that there is still occasional strong emotion coming out of you, to me at least, is simply a sign that you are still grieving what's been lost. And if you're still grieving it, there is a part of you inside that still wishes things could be healed.



You are healthiest when you are focusing on becoming the single Dad that you are capable of being. You are healthiest when you work to build a reasonable relationship with your wife as simply a co-parent - a person with a similarly vested interest in the well being of your children. And NO, she will NOT always fill that role well, but that's part of HER issues that need to be dealt with.



I don't believe that divorce has to be the end. And I do still believe that in some of these situations, the spouse who steps away sometimes is unable to honestly consider rebuilding until the old is completely torn down. Again, divorce is not necessarily the end, at least until one of you makes it so.



So I see your little exchange yesterday as a bit of misplaced frustration. Hey, I could be WAY off base, but that's what you get when you accept advice from someone who knows nothing of your life except the words you share here. I think your regret and the little sliver of wishful hope inside of you sometimes manifests itself in frustration with your wife over a fairly minor issue. Sometimes it just needs to come out. If you had been in a more stable state yesterday, the conversation may not have unfolded as it did.


Whether or not you choose to entertain any piece of hope for the future, it will always be in your best interest to live at peace with your wife as much as you can. You never need to capitulate and violate something you feel strongly about, but cooperation is always a better route I think.


In the end yesterday's coversation is not a terrible thing. But make every effort to show character, integrity, peace, and compassion in your dealings. Whether or not it impacts your wife, it makes it that much easier for YOU to sleep at night.



Blessings,

Bill