how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

yesterday when i got up, i made it all the way to the shower before i remembered to think about my H. today, he was in my thoughts the second my eyes opened. i don't so much even think about him in a longing way anymore...it's more like our situation is on my mind all the time. what will happen, how will this move forward, where will i end up? of course i still miss him but it's clear that we are no longer talking unless it's related to our separation agreement.

i saw my IC yesterday. she is helpful but she isn't one of those "take a stand for marriage" types of ICs. if i say i think i'm ready to let go and move on, she fully encourages that. so. while it's good to talk to her about my up and down feelings and emotions, i still am wary of the advise of a person who's never even met my H and only knows my side and what i'm feeling.

it hurts that H no longer reaches out to me to talk or lean on me. i know this is all part of the process, but that doesn't make it any easier.

i find myself thinking about another man a lot, too. i dated him briefly a few years ago and really liked him at the time. we've been in touch from time to time over the last 4 years (but never anything inappropriate and he knew i was married), and i ran into him on my way to work on monday. i don't want to use him as a distraction or a means to get over things with my H, but i also don't want to close the door on a possible relationship with this guy a few months down the road. but it does at least for now help me alieviate some of the grief i'm feeling...in the sense that i realize that i could potentially be excited about someone else, too.