AJM, How did you get so wise in your young age? I suppose experience is the best teacher, huh? Thank you for your comments.
Yes, I do tend to analyze way too much. It's kind of a blessing and a curse with me. I've always thought that knowledge was power. And, I've always been fascinated with how the brain works. In the past I have worked in some mental health facilities and I am amazed at how much MLC is like mental illnesses. And probably because of that work history, I find myself delving into all the reasons for my husband's actions and trying to figure everything out. I know I will never find out the how and why. I doubt my husband even knows that!
Isaiah 41:10 "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee, I will help thee, and I will uphold thee with the right hand of My righteousness."
Of course God has a sense of humor - haven't you seen a platypus before?
No, I don't think any of us, including the stbx's will ever know the truth of what has happened or their own part in it. If they admit the truth to themselves, it's too scary. To difficult to address. It's why they pushed it back for so long I suppose. I don't really know, but I think of it this way. I was reminded when I read your posts yesterday about keeping perspective. I will pray for you and getting a job - it will help you to keep your mind moving and will help you meet other people and generally move on. A great idea no matter what the job ends up being. Do it sooner rather than later. Go now I am also reminded about faith. Faith in something I can see is not really as strong a faith as faith in something I can't see but have faith is there. I've struggled with my faith a bit off and on. More about what my actions are in my faith than having faith. It's tough. It's hard to think that after this many years that God has a different plan than I had guessed. I used to pray at night to be a great husband and father - I naturally assumed it would be with the wife I was married to. I know I am with the kids.
While we cannot see the future, we can have hope that it will be better than yesterday. It will be. Believe that.
I think the analysis is a natural reaction. We want to understand because if we can understand we may be able to solve "the problem". With MLC, there is no solving anything. And that's frustrating enough, but the WAS has to add the insults and disremembering of your past that you then end up having to analyze enough (at first) to discredit.
One really cool thing about this board is that the same patterns occur over and over and over again. I'm always amazed that I can start a sentence and somebody else can finish it as if I wrote it. Especially when I talk about what the MLC'r said or did. I can see that in your posts as well. The names are different but the stories and actions are the same.
I joined a local support group. I highly recommend it for the social interaction. I've already met some great friends. The stories are the same there too - Somebody can start a sentence and others can finish it almost as if they wrote it. It's the to the point I can almost tell you what is coming next. (of course we can't guess - it's not predictable in that sense although the overall pattern is).
It is like mental illness. Very much so. Lots of similarities. But that's why i encourage you to get some distance from him. Don't wait for him to push you away. Push him away. Gently, but do it. Do it before the scars are so deep you can never smile when you think back on your marriage. It's also a way to regain your marital balance. Not out of spite, but out of love. And you seem to be doing just that and very well. It'll help you to maintain your sanity. And you will need every bit of your energy to effort to do that.
What do you do in the psychology field? I think I read that but don't recall exactly.
AJM
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
