You did it because you are a caring human being that has been hurt by your H's affair.
Just don't do it again. It is okay. We all say or do things we wish we hadn't. I am sure even the most disciplined veterans on here have done or said something they wish they hadn't.
Think how you will handle the next time he says something that puts you on the defensive and respond the way you think you should. We all learn from what we should have done or wish we had done.
Don't let it bother you too much!!!
What would do if you had to do it all over again? I would like to know. Give it some thought.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
trust me.. i've had MANY of those unleashing sessions.
they brew up, then you just boil over, then let the anger spew.. and then you feel like absolute sh!t for having said anything.
It's okay. just don't do it anymore. you're setting yourself up for more hurt. you cannot believe anything he says right now. he is confused and is irrational.
He needs to be left alone right now. you see how his mood and his answers are all over the place? well, how can you expect him to give you a rational answer? exactly, you can't. use this time to your advantage and make yourself the strongest, most attractive person you can be for yourself!
don't respond back to him. let him stew.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Well the thing that upsets me the most is that he acted like it's my fault we haven't seen eachother. Hello.....he is the one who left and went to his moms house. Then he acted hurt I didn't call on his birthday. Actually I did but pretty sure he was with the ow. Apparently the fact he didn't call on my birthday isn't important. Ahhhh. Frustrating! So frustrating!
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
The lies and turning around of the truth is great, ain't it!?!
I have got the same crap from my wife. "You didn't call, you didn't ask me if I had a good time...."
It is maddening! They turn things around to make it fit in their fantasy world where all is our fault. It used to drive me crazy wondering if I should've, would've, could've. It still does make me wonder a little bit, but I now realize anything I would have done in any given situation would have been wrong.
Try not to get caught up in his game. They make this crap up as they go.
Oh my goodness he does twist and turn things around to fit in his fantasy world... Then he will threaten d. I'll ask if that is what will make you happy? What will make you happy? He said that he doesn't know. He didn't deny when I spewed back at him last night that his r with the ow isn't a r it is an affair....he didn't deny it because he knows it is the
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
Well the thing that upsets me the most is that he acted like it's my fault we haven't seen eachother. Hello.....he is the one who left and went to his moms house. Then he acted hurt I didn't call on his birthday. Actually I did but pretty sure he was with the ow. Apparently the fact he didn't call on my birthday isn't important. Ahhhh. Frustrating! So frustrating!
This is, believe it or not, typical for the WAS. They are trying to justify their reasons for leaving -- not just to you and everyone else, but to themselves as well.
You can read some of the stories of former WAS on this forum; they talk about the fog and what it is like when they come out of it.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Ohh, and he said he doesn't think that he wants to come home because there isn't any need or feeling to want to..... I told him maybe he should stop talking to the ow.... Because each time he came home he didn't stop communicating with her and it was like an addiction and was really sad he was in the bathroom texting with her. How pathetic.
No offense (and I mean it because I am in the same boat as you are), but he isn't respecting you or your marriage and even if a light-bulb went off right this very second, have you even thought about how long it would take him to regain your trust?
I am going through something similiar, and I am starting to think I have to salvage my self-respect and dignity.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
You might find some insight in the Midlife Crisis forum as well; there seems to be similarity in behavior between an MLCing spouse and a WAS.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
