Dazed, Here is a 2x4, you are getting played by your wife. At the very, very, very least what she is doing is disrespectful. No woman(or man) in a stable, happy marriage has any reason to carry on with the opposite sex in this fashion. Call me a crazy, but "sex" always gets in the way in an opposite sex relationship. You need to keep your radar up at full strength all the time.
I agree. At the very least she disrespected me by continuing this R after the OM started coming on to her (several times). You mention a stable/happy marriage. That's not us. I see that you are in an in-house sep. Very sorry to hear. I kind of feel that we've been living like that for years. We both love our kids dearly, but there isn't much of a marriage. She blows up on me now and then over what I think is nothing. I guess it's the resentment of her being "stuck," which is a term I've heard from her more than once.
This morning she went off about how it's unequal that I have female friends while she can't have male friends. She has zeroed in on a younger female coworker of mine that she met once months ago. There is nothing between us, but my wife's radar told her she must be a threat. I didn't waste my time denying it (have done so many times), but I did accuse her of being jealous/insecure, something I've heard a lot of in the past few months. She responded that she doesn't care anymore about stuff like that. I just left it at that.
I mostly bit my lip on the part about her not being able to have male friends, but I did state that I had nothing to do with her not being able to communicate with her OM. I didn't let on that I know the real reason - the OMW's threats.
Let her know that you are willing to be fully transparent with her with regards to this co-worker, and ask if she's willing to do the same with her OM.
She can check your cellphone anytime she wants to. Give her your e-mail passwords, home, work and Facebook, as applicable. Invite her to meet you and female co-worker (and her husband, if she's married??) for a drink sometime. Let her know that you believe that a married person shouldn't have any friends that aren't SUPPORTERS of the marriage.
My (x)W has always been and still is HIGHLY jealous and insecure of those I work with. Matter of fact as posted in my thread, she jsut had a blow up last night on the matter and those that I had interest in, or those that had interest in me while (x)W carried out her A and divorced me for pete's sake.
Anyway, as puppy said, I have been fully transparent with (x)W, even tho I have no reason to, but just to settle the air I leave my cell phone open for her review, offer her my phone records and left all my passwords automatically logged in for FB and e-mail. Just to show I have nothing to hide. Still odd. I could have had anyone I wanted, but I chose her, I took the ultimate gamble in being back with her, and yet she's still skiddish and insecure.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Let her know that you are willing to be fully transparent with her with regards to this co-worker, and ask if she's willing to do the same with her OM.
Keep the 2x4's coming! I've screwed up in the past and I continue to screw up. At least I know it now and can develop a path forward.
I think I have been transparent. There is nothing b/w me and this coworker, so there isn't a lot I can do. W has done this before with other coworkers. Meets them once, doesn't like a smile or kind word passed my way, and then it's on. This other person is single, so going for drinks with her and W won't fly!
As far as I know she has had zero contact with OM for at least a month. OM must be on total lockdown from OMW. I assume this is all true b/c W keeps telling best girlfriend how much she just has to know why OM suddenly shut her out for no stated reason. Calling her bluff about being transparent won't work b/c she'll just repeat that she has no contact with OM.
In fact, if there is NO contact, than it's more of a reason why she should, right? because you'd find nothing? meaning she is full of sh!t! sorry to be so blunt.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Listen to Puppy. He is the wise old sage on this board. If she is truly not having contact with OM, then she is probably going through withdrawl. Think of it as a drug she can't get anymore, so she is going to act out. If she starts being nice again, beware, it could mean contact has resumed(she got a fix). It won't work to mind read, but there are certain trends and tendencies to look for.
I agree with Sgfan. Watch for the re-writing of history, etc.
Sounds like if you do reconcile, you have some work to do to improve your marriage.
