Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[james217]

Today was a pretty bad day.

This is how it started.

I got up this morning and asked my mom to take me to the temporary agency that hired me for the job. I needed to pick up and sign out some documents regarding how I get paid.

She unloads on me stating I dont tell her what is going on. I tried to talk to her last night and she wouldn't talk either.

So this morning we are argueing. She's pretty much unloading on me. Some of the most hurtful words ever were expressed. I felt really really really low. I don't think me and my mother will ever have a good relationship and it really bothers me.

WAW calls me and she tells me I should just get out of the house for awhile so we go to lunch and then we go to her place. I was pretty much in a funk from conversation with my mother (very bad conversation) and WAW was trying to cheer me up and I just got really sad and started crying.

Due to the stress from that conversation with my mother, I got kind of sick over at WAW house.

I was really really down today. I am thinking about leaving and maybe going out of state and living with some relatives and getting on my feet. I cannot take the yelling and argueing with my mom.

But I'm going to hang in there. Just get this job and try to save some money and then get my own place.

I told waw I was thinking about leaving and she had absolute fear in her eyes. She started crying her head off saying I can't leave her I'm note ver supposed to get sick or die or leave her.

I was just really down and just doing some thinking about what I'm going to do. In other cities I know I'd have some help from some family and would easily find work.

I'm just tired of the drama here with my mother. I would love to have a wonderful relationship with her. I love her dearly.

I think i'm just overreacting somewhat.

tomorrow is a day of rest and reflection. I need to decide what i'm going to do. I'm really leaning towards staying.

Just weighting my pros and cons and options.

If I do stay. I'm focusing on me. WAW and I have had alot of fun and bad times over the past few weeks. She has been tehre for me through today's drama with mom and when I got sick.

She obviously still cares very much. But until she can totally give me her best and totally give up her EA's then it's not gonna work.

She said she still needs time and space to think. that she enjoys our time together but enjoys her alone time too.

So I'm cutting down on my texting and calling. Im about to start being really really busy. We'll see if she misses me.

So I have 3 options

Stay here with parents and save money and work job
Move out of parents house and struggle but save a little money with peace
Move out of state and start over