Feeling angry today. H didnt do anything. On the contrary. He is patient and tries to understand. I did give a letter last night and he read it when he came home and cam ein and hugged me tight. No discussion of course. But he was sweet.
But, boy oh boy am I angry!!! At her mostly. And at him. I edited the letter I wanted to send to her. I forwarded it to H. He said "do as you wish, send it if you want, I have no issue with it". From the way I felt, from his reponse, I realised I wanted a reaction from him. I started thinking he didnt care because he has warned her already "Crazy wife will send you a letter, ignore it, she is mad and I am gaslighting her"... YEP!! THAT crazy! I mean, I know when I am out of control, and I am out of control these days...
June, abbey, addie, Ali, I think we all feel pretty much the same emotions. Some of us are smarter, some of us were hurt worse. I can relate to each and every sentence you girls wrote. Moving forward, I think, means, abandoning the IDEA/NOTION/DREAM of the marriage/relationhsip we once had. As long as we hold on to it, now that we KNOW we dont have THAT, we are in turmoil. My stomach hurts, too much stress. I will come back later.
Forrest my dear, piecing suits you fine. And yes, he can say "I f@cked up, I am sorry, I love YOU Maria". Maybe that is all it would take.. K
......as you wish, send it if you want, I have no issue with it". From the way I felt, from his reponse, I realised I wanted a reaction from him. I started thinking he didnt care because he has warned her already "Crazy wife will send you a letter, ignore it, she is mad and I am gaslighting her"... YEP!! THAT crazy! I mean, I know when I am out of control, and I am out of control these days...
Another take on this is that he just doesn't care about OW and what she thinks but he knows you NEED to do something.
Kalni, don't let OW have the satisfaction of knowing she is still hurting you - because that's what the letter will do. She doesn't care but it will empower her.
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Moving forward, I think, means, abandoning the IDEA/NOTION/DREAM of the marriage/relationhsip we once had. As long as we hold on to it, now that we KNOW we dont have THAT, we are in turmoil.
I have posted to you about this I am sure. Reagrding your M, you are having to go through the stages of grief because you can't have that old M back. It's hard.....but also gives you the chance to have a 'better' M. I am not sure if I have been M'd just coming up to 24 years now or whether it is two M's with the new one starting when we renewed our vows?
You are at the place I was when I actually came to the boards. I nearly threw it all in because I thought I could never let go of what had happened. But I have. It has been a gradual and hard process.....but worth it.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
No.. it does not!! You don't see the "work" I have to do to make it happen "here". I don't even wanna read my post's here sometimes. It scares me!! Remember.. I hate being wrong!
"And yes, he can say "I f@cked up, I am sorry, I love YOU Maria"
How does "someone" tell you that they "F'd" up.. when you all ready know they did? That question.. has a lot of "YOU" in it!!
Kalni.. I F'd up by ever posting to you. I am sorry. I still love you.
+++ can you ever forgive me?
"Feeling angry today. H didnt do anything."
"But, boy oh boy am I angry!!! At her mostly."
Honesty.. wins.
Step away from the "emotional" situation you are in. It will not help you. To me.. this beats out your dad 10,000x.
You still kinda suck at picking your battles!
What is the forum sign for kicking someone in the as$? I mean I could look for the spanking symbol.. but I just think that might be "too" much for you.
Maria.. focus. Use what you have learned. DB this.
In case you missed it...
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
After the small interaction via email and his "permission" to do whatever I want to do with the letter, which by the way, was a letter polite but granted in Greek I can use my words correctly, was TOO painful for her in a "nice way". There were parts in it, that had to do with H, I actually wrote to her, he treated us both with a very selfish way, the only difference was, that she had a choice, I didnt. Anyway, he came home earlier last night and he was...OK!! Sweet and friendly and all. As if nothing had happened. It kind of scared me. I dont know what to think, had he warned her, does he really not care?
I decided right then, to step away from it as FG said. I had cooked a wonderful, new receipe, took a shower, put my perfumed body lotion on, and when he came to bed, I attacked him. He kissed me but said he couldnt go ahead with "the act", he stomach was upset (has been complaining for 2 days now). I turned around and fell asleep. This morning, I took the kids to school, came back home to get my coffee and attacked him again. And it happened. At a certain point he felt disengaged and it "showed" (IYKWIM-LOL) but resumed operations immediately. I had to ask him what that was since it is the first time of our life together he had such a moment and he said he was still in pain and that was it. I dont know, maybe that was it, maybe not.
I left thinking about how we can make our sex life better, I mean, I still have some personal issues which I know are a problem for him. I want us to feel more comfortable and then...I will let myself go. I mean really, it is about time I get rid off my hang ups and enjoy sex more.
So, tommorow I have a spa day planned with my 3 GFs. Massage, body peel, eye brows, waxing if I need a touch up, pedicure, pool and coctails... The other 3 have said we will be away on a seminar - LOL I told H where I will be and he said he wanted to come, could we reschedule for next Friday? I laughed. I said "this is a girls thing, if you want, we can do it a couple thing next week, I will bring the oils"....
Forrest you are right, I am spinning. When he feels close, I have to think something bad, when he feels distant, I go off the deep end (correct?). BALANCE is the aim. Self Soothing still works, thank God!
Need to do soem more things in my life other than just work, home, kids, etc etc. My paintings adn my jewelery as diagnosed, give me the back pains I 've been suffering from. I need to find another way to paint etc.
Exercise. That HAD to be a goal.
My dad is looking worse everyday. My mom is in bed, cant move for the last 3 days.
But, boy oh boy am I angry!!! At her mostly. And at him. I edited the letter I wanted to send to her. I forwarded it to H. He said "do as you wish, send it if you want, I have no issue with it". From the way I felt, from his reponse, I realised I wanted a reaction from him.
But this sounds great !!
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I left thinking about how we can make our sex life better, I mean, I still have some personal issues which I know are a problem for him. I want us to feel more comfortable and then...I will let myself go. I mean really, it is about time I get rid off my hang ups and enjoy sex more.
So, tommorow I have a spa day planned with my 3 GFs. Massage, body peel, eye brows, waxing if I need a touch up, pedicure, pool and coctails... The other 3 have said we will be away on a seminar - LOL I told H where I will be and he said he wanted to come, could we reschedule for next Friday? I laughed. I said "this is a girls thing, if you want, we can do it a couple thing next week, I will bring the oils"...
..I dont mean to sound like FG, but...just do what works!! Thats a better way to get a reaction from him
My wise old Mum says... it happenend, you can't change it so why waste your life worrying about things you cannot change? We'll all be in the ground one day and you won't be worrying about it then! So dont waste your precious life looking backwards. Concentrate on today and the future and make it a happy one.
And YES.. that is the greatest revenge/lesson of all Maria to ow.. to go forwards and be happy and secure WITH YOUR HUSBAND. That will do more than any letter you write and also, you get to retain your dignity.
I'm sorry your Mum and Dad are poorly, you must feel helpless seeing them suffer. xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Kalni, it sounds like you're making great choices from day to day.
I'm just wondering...are you flirting with H? I'm sure your H loves the "attacks" but I think what makes a healthy sex life is when that thread runs through the day to day interactions, and when touch comes in many different forms.
Sorry to hear about your parents' health. Not an easy thing to cope with. (((Kalni)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
You attacked him sexually, with repeated assaults, for the first time in your relationship?
LOL, no, but I was turned down before... Ijust inissted this time.Planning to leave a note when he comes in "let's end the day the way we started it..."
flo, not so much. And my H is kind of a wuss, in touch with his feminine side (lol), need to work on that!! Thanks K
