After the small interaction via email and his "permission" to do whatever I want to do with the letter, which by the way, was a letter polite but granted in Greek I can use my words correctly, was TOO painful for her in a "nice way". There were parts in it, that had to do with H, I actually wrote to her, he treated us both with a very selfish way, the only difference was, that she had a choice, I didnt. Anyway, he came home earlier last night and he was...OK!! Sweet and friendly and all. As if nothing had happened. It kind of scared me. I dont know what to think, had he warned her, does he really not care?
I decided right then, to step away from it as FG said. I had cooked a wonderful, new receipe, took a shower, put my perfumed body lotion on, and when he came to bed, I attacked him. He kissed me but said he couldnt go ahead with "the act", he stomach was upset (has been complaining for 2 days now). I turned around and fell asleep. This morning, I took the kids to school, came back home to get my coffee and attacked him again. And it happened. At a certain point he felt disengaged and it "showed" (IYKWIM-LOL) but resumed operations immediately. I had to ask him what that was since it is the first time of our life together he had such a moment and he said he was still in pain and that was it. I dont know, maybe that was it, maybe not.
I left thinking about how we can make our sex life better, I mean, I still have some personal issues which I know are a problem for him. I want us to feel more comfortable and then...I will let myself go. I mean really, it is about time I get rid off my hang ups and enjoy sex more.
So, tommorow I have a spa day planned with my 3 GFs. Massage, body peel, eye brows, waxing if I need a touch up, pedicure, pool and coctails... The other 3 have said we will be away on a seminar - LOL I told H where I will be and he said he wanted to come, could we reschedule for next Friday? I laughed. I said "this is a girls thing, if you want, we can do it a couple thing next week, I will bring the oils"....
Forrest you are right, I am spinning. When he feels close, I have to think something bad, when he feels distant, I go off the deep end (correct?). BALANCE is the aim. Self Soothing still works, thank God!
Need to do soem more things in my life other than just work, home, kids, etc etc. My paintings adn my jewelery as diagnosed, give me the back pains I 've been suffering from. I need to find another way to paint etc.
Exercise. That HAD to be a goal.
My dad is looking worse everyday. My mom is in bed, cant move for the last 3 days.
