My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[awest1217]

About seeing your H differently, right now you see him as a scum bag that left you so he can have an EA, which I understand and agree with you, but maybe think about him as a hurt soul. Remember he is using the EA to medicate his depression just like if he used drugs or alcohol to do the same thing. Think of him as someone with a problem that you would like to help, but he is not ready yet. Every time he does something stupid just remember that he has a disease because he does and maybe then you will gain some compassion for him and won't hold all the resentment that is bound to build through this process. As I said before, read up on depression and be ready when HE IS READY! Don't force him, but be prepared so when he does turn to you, you have suggestions not the forced answer.

[TrentC]

Every time he does something stupid just remember that he has a disease because he does and maybe then you will gain some compassion for him and won't hold all the resentment that is bound to build through this process.

awest makes a very good point. It is going to be very easy to build resentment against your husband right now, and that's completely understandable. It is also, however, going to make it harder if and when you have a chance to reconcile.

If anything, pity him. Because I would hope that someday he will come to his senses and see what a mess he's made of his life.

[nicole8]

Actually I do pity him.....because I know he is a lost soul just roaming around. He has pretty much told me that he does feel lost and wishes someone would tell him what to do. He used to turn to his Dad for support or guidance. The reason I do pity him is that I know he is missing his Dad and his Dad is the one who would have the most disgust for what he is doing. He would not be staying at the all-inclusive resort (MIL's house) and being enabled to do what he is doing. His Dad would have been very firm with him about what he is doing.

I am trying to see him differently and have been for awhile....weird but true and I do know that he does a very heavy conscious (sp). The counselor did not give me any ideas on how to do this. Darn her! I have also read a book and will be re-reading the book about how to talk with someone who is depressed.

The db counselor asked another question I thought was interesting and just now remembered. She asked again, to pretend I was my husband and if she asked him "how would Nicole describe you"? What would he say.

[nicole8]

Yep I am feeling pretty annoyed and irritable again. So sick and tired of the h being on "vacation". I do actually feel like I will be ok if things don't work out. I am a strong person. However,I am very impatient and wish this situation would just end now....either way. It is lonely at night and I wish my h was there to talk with or cuddle with. Yes, I have a
dog but it just isn't the same.

Just venting. I know I can't change the situation and what my b will do. I can only control myself.

[TrentC]

It is lonely at night and I wish my h was there to talk with or cuddle with.

I went the whole day yesterday without seeing my wife once. I got up and out of the house before she up, I was on my way to work before she was out of the shower, and she had plans in town with a girlfriend and didn't get home until I was asleep.

Just one of those days, you know?

And no, a dog isn't the same but at the same time, a dog is never going to tell you that now isn't a good time for a belly rub...

[nicole8]

Trent I have seen my h twice in the last 3 weeks... And he pretty much avoids touching me. Why? Because it's not fair to me and he is attracted to me. Seriously this is what he tells me. He will basically sit there with his arms crossed and avoid any and all eye contact. Do you think he is guilty? I DO!

[awest1217]

You need to get out and find some people to talk to when you are lonely. I completely understand where you are at and was at that same place at the same time period you are at. I see my H maybe once every two weeks (and that is the only time he sees S his choosing) and we only talk through texting maybe once every three days so I completely understand feeling lonely, but what helps me is having tons of people to talk to and keeping busy. I still have lonely nights where I just want some other adult there, but I don't so I just watch something on TV or go to bed. Usually during the day I am too busy to get lonely.

Find things to do to help curb the lonliness so the times it happens is less.

[nicole8]

I messed up big time. I called my husband earlier and he just returned my call. He just sounds so irritated and annoyed that I am even calling him. Then I ask a few questions and he tells me again I am talking about stupid stuff. one thing leads to another and I basically unleashed on him. I told him I know what he is doing By spending timewith the ow and that it is an affair. He tells me he doesn't love me and that he can't just come home and pretend he loves me. We went round and round about him even admitting he has spent any time with her. He accused me of stalking him. I told him I didn't have to it was obvious. I asked him if she had any idea she was involved in an affair and if she had any morals? I told him the grass will look greener on the other side if you don't water the grass on your side.

He of course put all the blame on himself again and told me that he snt in love wiu me and that he can't look me in the face after he has looke at ow. Just q whole lot of bs spewing.

Sorry but I am just so annoyed and irritated with him and he tells me again we should be divorced and then tells me at the end of our conversation that he doesn't knw what he wants. WTF?
I feel like I really messed up I was pretty mean and tole him that the same thing was going to happen with the ow, he was going to wake up and not be in love with her one day if she hadn't left him already. I was so mean. Told him his r with her wasn't a r it was an affair.....

I really am sure I messed up bt who knows. I am thinking of texting him in the morning that I will save him the trouble and file for d myself.... I don't know what I am goin to do.

[nicole8]

Ohh, and he said he doesn't think that he wants to come home because there isn't any need or feeling to want to..... I told him maybe he should stop talking to the ow.... Because each time he came home he didn't stop communicating with her and it was like an addiction and was really sad he was in the bathroom texting with her. How pathetic.

He said it is annoying that I am always in such a good mood when he calls.... I asked if he prefer I was upset and crying when he called? Who would want to come home to that?

[nicole8]

H texted me That he never meant for this to happen...I responded, really then why do you selfishly pursue your affair with ow instead of putting the effort into bettering our m and yourself. No response from h....

What is wrong with me? Why did I do that?