Possible EA - Need Advice

[newmama]

Melody, I am living the reality of what happens when the EA doesn't end soon enough- without going on and on, my WH started out with his OW in the same way yours is (Just friends, coworkers, lots of time on phone and spent time together). I was not forceful enough because I wanted to believe he was just friends with her and I didn't feel threatened because 1) he loved me 2)ewww--she was too trashy for him (SO I THOUGHT) but eventually it was getting to be too much and he was acting distant from me. I was uncomfortable and told him to stop but he didn't.

I really think that I should have given him an ultimatum then and there- now I know you are smart to not just take someone's advice blindly so I will continue-

I should have said something like: "H, please hear me. I have asked you to endyour friendship with &^%$# and you haven't. I feel it is disrespectful to me for you to have this friendship with her. I am your wife and you should be spending that time with me. I am smart enough to see that an emotional attachment will or has developed. This is a threat to our marriage. As your wife, you should only have an emotional attachment to me. Imagine if I started hanging out with Bob (a coworker) and spent as much time with him as you are with her. Would that be acceptable to you? So because I am so serious about this, if you do not agree to end this friendship with her, then I will need some space to figure out if I want to stay married to you and I will be moving out for awhile in order to do so."

OK I get that it is complicated and there are obstacles. But seriously, Melody, IT IS A SERIOUS THREAT TO YOUR MARRIAGE. SO it takes a very STRONG AND serious response. In my case, it had gone on underground after WH said it was over on 1/4/10. I had not discovered my resources to prepare and I was pregnant so I freaked out and said how scared I was and afraid to raise the baby alone and did alllll the wrong things. I did say HER OR ME! but was not strong and confident.

check out marriagebuilders.com for some free info about handling EAs as well.

Gathering intel will DEFINITELY help you because he will say stuff like you are being insecure, jealous, ridiculous, don't you believe that he loves you? how can you not trust him? etc.

Keep posting! And use your head, not your heart, right now. And stay calm and do not beg or cry or plead.