AJM, How did you get so wise in your young age? I suppose experience is the best teacher, huh? Thank you for your comments.
Yes, I do tend to analyze way too much. It's kind of a blessing and a curse with me. I've always thought that knowledge was power. And, I've always been fascinated with how the brain works. In the past I have worked in some mental health facilities and I am amazed at how much MLC is like mental illnesses. And probably because of that work history, I find myself delving into all the reasons for my husband's actions and trying to figure everything out. I know I will never find out the how and why. I doubt my husband even knows that!
After reading your post, I was reminded of a time when I asked our psychologist about a certain client. She was a caring, lovely woman who liked me and talked easily to me. But, she was so very mentally ill that I asked the psychologist if he could give me suggestions of what to say or reply to her when she talked about her issues. I told him how she could be laughing and then in mid sentence start cussing a blue streak! I asked him to tell me what was really wrong with her. Now, as you may know, in the mental health field, they usually refer to clients as "not doing very well", or he's "very sick", etc. You just never referred to them as crazy. It just wasn't politically correct, even if that term was more accurate.
But on this day, the psychologist thought for a few minutes about my question, shook his head and then said, "Denise, she's just crazy." All the analyzing of her words and actions was pretty much summed up for me with that statement. She was crazy. Well, I think MLC is just that. It makes them all just crazy!
Now, I confess that tonight I am having a rough time. The house is way too quiet. We have had company with 2 little girls jumping all over the house and they left today. And my daughter went to the baseball game, so I am home alone. My 2 dogs keep looking at me like they're bored to death and how did they get stuck with me? LOL!
I miss my husband very much. I just miss talking to him. I am sitting here wondering how in the world this happened to us? How could we be together for 33 years and he just walks out? Yes, I wish I could just smack him and say snap out of it! But, of course, MLC isn't something you just snap out of. And even though he has probably been in this for over a couple of years, he could be in it for some time. I guess I am just having my own pity party tonight. I suppose those probably come to all of us every now and then. I sort of feel like I am taking 3 steps forward, 2 steps back.
I do have to tell you one thing. I am grateful that h left me that way. Through all of the pain and even the whining I am doing now, I would have never listened to God if I hadn't been blindsided and shook to my core. God continues to chisel away at me and yes, it's very painful at times. However, when I look back to just the last couple of months, I have changed quite a bit. I just have a long way to go.
I have a prayer request. I need to find a job PDQ! Besides the financial burden, I know working will get my mind off of my situation and help me to move on. The job market sucks right now and I just need some prayer warriors to help me pray. Because I do know that God can make a way. Without Him I would be lost completely! In my prayers, I ask God to give me some answers. He just tells me to wait. Now, this just proves that God also has a sense of humor and I swear I have literally heard Him laugh. Because He knows I have no patience and I hate waiting!!! And I know He's trying to teach me something throughout all of this. I told God I didn't want to learn anything new and He just said tough.
My favorite Bible verse is one that now means a lot more to me. Back in my teen years when I chose this as my favorite verse (as if you can have a favorite Bible verse....they're all good!) I didn't realize there would come a day that I would really need to lean on it.
Isaiah 41:10 "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee, I will help thee, and I will uphold thee with the right hand of My righteousness."
