I think there's a possibility my husband is having an EA (or maybe even a PA) with a coworker and could really use some advice about how to move forward. Here is what I know about the situtation: -Over a year ago, he lied to me about working late and was actually at her house (she lived with her parents at the time) "playing video games". He agreed that he should not have lied and that it looked bad, but said that he just needed a break (we were in the middle of an intense remodel while both working full time and having a small child). He thought I'd never agree to the break so he lied to me, so he said -After I got back from a work trip, I found a facebook convo in which he was asking her brother what kind of candy she liked so that he could put together a "get well" basket for her. She had recently had a surgery, so he wanted to do something nice, he told me when confronted. Said since she's a superior at work, he needed to have her on his side for promotion related issues. -Everything died down for awhile – both of our jobs were in the “off season” and we had a lot of time to invest in our fam. She didn’t seem to be an issue during this time. -Fast forward to the next intensive work season for us – he’s grown distant, talks to her a lot, comes home late from work (usual in his line of work, but it’s worse than ever this year), has her over to house while I’m working on a day he was home with ill daughter, logs more cell phone minutes with her than with me (many on his drive home from a work social event), forwards an email of mine on to her (when I was expressing dislike at his going to a work social event). -Doesn’t seem to care that it bothers me that he spend time with her. Claims she is his “best friend” and why can’t I just look at it like she’s a guy? They have so much in common . . . it’s wrong for me to keep them from being friends. Claims that our problems are separate from what he has going on with her. -I went out of town recently and while I was gone he texted me to see if it was okay that she come over. I said I wasn’t comfortable with that. Upon return, I found out that the day before he requested to have her over, he met her at a public place with our daughter. She was on her lunch break at work and “just happened” to be in the same area. I also found a fast food restaurant receipt from a night I was gone. The time on the receipt was after my daughter’s bed time, so I knew my husband couldn’t have been the one to go through the drive thru. He was secretive about it at first, but then claims she AND her boyfriend were “going out” in our neighborhood and dropped food by for him because he was hungry. Well, our house was a good 20 mins out of the way. I, of course, flipped out. When I did things escalated and he essentially said he wasn’t sure if we are compatible and if he still loves me. Long story short . . . it’s hard for me to sift out truth from lie here, and I don’t know how to proceed with my husband. I want to save my marriage and I know I am not blameless myself. But, I don’t know if I should be treating this as an affair or if I should be just DBing and DRing and hoping for the best. Thank you.
