Well I havent' been in your H's shoes, but I can tell you that the majority of us have been through the same thing.
I believe alot of it comes from one thing...fear.
The WAS is afraid of their own decisions, who they are, etc. And they feel they have no control over it. So they blame the one person who is closest to them - the spouse.
That's why it's important to not stand there and be the target. Sure you can validate, but there's going to come a time when they need to hear the truth. When your H starts ranting like that and starts blaming you for stuff, just stop him and say "you know, from what I recall it wasn't true and maybe you should really think about what you're saying" and then say "goodbye". Oh he will be pissed beyond belief, saying that he can't believe you're being such a b@tch. Or better yet this is what how he's reacting...
"wah why won't you listen to me? my life is horrible because of you. wah wah. Where's my blankie?"
Don't encourage him by arguing back. It's just not going to work. You just sitting there taking it, isn't going to work either. You need to do a little bit of both.
It's hard as hell, but you know what the truth is and let that comfort you.
Don't answer all his calls. Keep the messages short and to the point. Just 'yes' and 'no'. When he questions why you are "behaving that way" just tell him that you do not appreciate being spoken to that way and then end it.
Then start GAL. Make yourself and the kids your first priority.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
