I went into mediation as you did - my W wanted to go despite telling me that she believed things were better and that our M had hope.
Once there, the mediator did a good job getting us to give each other more time before declaring the M a failure. She mediated a 6 mo timeframe to work on some issues. She would not have even tried this had I not made it clear that my changes have been recent, my W recognized them as good, and that I was not looking for a D.
I had to clearly say that I respected her feelings and right to decide, but I did not want a D at all and hoped she'd give me time to keep improving.
Once we left, W told me that she really went in thinking D. Painful. But we left with at least something more hopeful.
Tomorrow, make sure all your 180s and understandings/love for your W is present. Act clearly with responses, not reactions. Ask for clarifications. Leave for a walk if you need to. Speak your mind and set boundaries, but try to always ask, "why is this important to me?" if you are arguing.
You've been on the site in strife for a while; she might just want to have two clear routes to choose from. Regardless of what she says, remember that fear can make the worst words come out.
When I drove there in one car with her, my heart was ripped more by each km. But I kept my face and body controlled. Be self-controlled, dbs. I'm sorry that you're going to have to go through this. Give her a reason to go home wanting you, not a reason for her to feel a D would make her happy.
