My Wife And Her Emotional Affair

[WhatNow]

This is a very difficult one to pull off. Especially given all you have already done.

You have to commit to:
No talk about her A or your M or even you at all.
You CANNOT CONFRONT HER ABOUT OM, or any of her behavior.
Don't tell her what you are doing!
There is a ton more In DB/DR. YOu have to commit to it because it is very painful to watch.

I am afraid that the only thing this will bring about is damage to your feelings for her, at this point in these goings on. Option 2 is promoted here b/c it is the only way to save yourself and your feelings and possibly your marriage. It took me 2 months of darkness to be able to communicate w/WH at all while maintaining control of my emotions and mouth.

Read DR again. Look at your own distorted thinking patterns. Stop arguing with what is. I know this is bossy of me. I was where you are a year ago. It takes TIME. While you are being "Mr. Wonderful" and Plan Aing her, make a plan to throw her out.

I know it is scary. Sending her away is far better than pushing her away. She definately won't come back then. Send her away with a path back and she might follow it. It is the quicker way to resolve this. Otherwise you are trying to chain her to the hot water heater! Or trying to teach a cat to bark (thanks Byron Katie)!

Work on yourself. Don't you hate hearing that! I did. I liked myself. BUT, I have a big issue with setting boundaries. So that is what I am working on.

I had a boyfriend who did the things you have been doing. I was attached to him but after a year of his pursuing, I finally couldn't take it anymore and left. Even tho I still had feelings for him, his pursual began to feel abusive!

Have you read DR? Have you read Surviving an affair (Harley)?

EVERY pro marriage site says STOP PURSUING! If you do, given time, odds are you will become the pursued.