Here's how the story plays out from HER point of view every time she says she's going out;
1) She says she's going out with "friends". 2) From the time she tells me that to when she actually goes, whether that's an hour or week, I start acting strange at least, and downright angry at worst. 3) We have incessant talks about R and all surrounding it. 4) I get increasingly upset and agitated until she leaves. 5) I usually blow up when she gets home and repeat 2-4 for the next day or so.
What I am trying to do is rid our lives of steps 2-5. She CLAIMS that 100% of her lack of honesty is because of those reactions by me and how she hates it. She claims that if she just tells me last minute, or avoids going out when I am home, that she avoids a lot of the drama. Of course I know that's likely a load of BS
Well, at least you're seeing things clearly this time, GH, and that's a huge first step.
I'm glad your wife's OK.
How about, if instead of 1-5 above, you just tried these TWO:
1) She says she's going out with "friends".
2) I say "OK, but considering what's happened in the past, it's really hard for me to feel safe in the marriage when you're intentionally vague with me like this, and I've tried to tell you that, honestly and without anger. If we can't be transparent with each other, and with the kids, then I'm not sure this is going to work for me."
What do you think would be the likely outcome of such a stance?
