I've been so involved in my job transition and D14's upcoming graduation that I didn't realize...last year at this time I was in mediation. Specifically, April 22 I think, with the divorce being final on April 24--and signed on our 15th anniversary, May 21. It's good to be a year out from all of that, to have it all behind me. It's been a year of so much healing and moving forward; I still don't feel like I'm completely "alive" and like my life has a definite direction, but maybe I just haven't adjusted to single parenthood completely. I have friends--a different group of them. I will be starting a job that will allow me to feel financially secure. D14 is doing okay--and hopefully leaving a dysfunctional school environment will help her feel a little less anxious. I have a kinda-sorta relationship which is moving appropriately slowly with someone who's kind, healthy and supportive (altho 800 miles away!) and trying to learn to negotiate that in a healthy way myself. I have peace in most ways besides financial (and that should be resolving) and I like myself for the first time in recent memory, and I understand how my mind functions and how I heal and how I go wrong--for the very first time. All in all, not a bad year. And next April...I can hardly wait!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Wow and what a big turn around from even a couple of months ago!! I am so happy for you and proud of you. good things are going to keep coming your way. I feel it!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
momentum. seems like when things take a downhill turn, they continue that way but pick up speed. and likewise, when they start looking up, they continue generally positively. that's hoosier's first law of divorce recovery.
a corollary is--there's usually a big ugly chasm just before the plateau where everything smooths out.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
a corollary is--there's usually a big ugly chasm just before the plateau where everything smooths out.
Or, a smooth grassy hill, and on the other side a surprise, a meadow with spring flowers like daisies and cornflowers; green grass where one can rest looking up at the blue sky where puffy little clouds drift by and you can guess what it looks like; shady fruit trees where you can read a book you've been wanting to in a long time --- well you get my drift, I'm sure.
Deny the chasm --- it's behind you now. If anything, perhaps a little dip, but you can see on the other side where you are going. Past the meadow is adventure; you just have to rest some now, and fortify your defences.
Just my thoughts ... if I were in your position that is.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I just had to tell D14 that she won't be able to go to Chicago on her choir tour this June. xH is not willing to pay for it and let me pay him back my portion, nor will he ask her wealthy uncles to help with it. I really, really hate this. She doesn't get to do much at all, we haven't been anywhere on vacation--or even away for a weekend--in several years. But it's all I can do--and sometimes more than I can do--to keep all the utilities on.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I thought YOU were going to ask the wealthy relatives? Or did I misunderstand that?
I think you should.
Puppy
they haven't replied to my invitations to graduation. they'd be highly unlikely to respond positively to a request for $$ from me. the deadline date has passed anyway, and I need to let them know by Friday if I can come up with the money.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Hoosiermama, it really does hurt when we see our kids hurt and know there's nothing we can do about it. That's often our deepest pain because as adults we got to make our own choices, granted the options weren't always that great, but our kids were and still are the innocent bystanders. I feel for you.
