Last year like I said I had someone help me thinking I was showing H I didn't need him, well that didn't work.
Well no, of course it's not going to work. There isn't anything you can show him that will just "work".
That's why you focus on you, you do for you, you take care of what you need to for you. It takes two people for a marriage, and you can only control one. No, it's not selfish because that's all you can do.
He is away for now. Will he return? NO ONE can answer that. So what do you think you should do with your time while he is away? Improve, learn and grow? or Sit, watch, wait and revisit the pain?
No it's not easy, we all have been there and everyone moves through this at their own pace.
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So this is how I get confused by all of this. I thought I was acting different and have shown him things (changes in me). By not begging, pleading, calling and arguing etc. But then again how do you show a person anything at all if they aren't around to see changes?
It shouldn't matter if he's around or not because you shouldn't be growing, changing and improving for his sake.
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I was thinking yesterday about getting off of this site because I guess I just can't be as strong as a lot of you are and especially your friend, your hero. I admire everyone that has given me advice and those that have moved on or reconciled. I don't want to be a bother and it seems like some of you are getting disgusted with me because of my confusion and asking the same questions, and I fully understand. I'm sorry for what I have put you through, but want to thank you for everything you have done for me.
This sounds a bit "victimish." No one here is disgusted with you. We may come off as harsh at times, but more often than not, it's what you need to hear. This is tough, we all have been there and we understand.
You have to focus on, deal with, and heal yourself first.
This is a helpful place, but each and every one of us is responsible for our own work we have to do to make it out of this mess and out doesn't mean saving your marriage, it means saving and improving you.
You shouldn't want to go back to the relationship that failed. You should want a new one with a new you.
