What should I do about potential OM?

[Dane]

Dazed,
I am a complete pesimist when it comes to this, but there is something going on with your wife and the OM. It is clearly an EA at minimum, there are so many red flags, warning signs, danger Will Robinson danger, in your post.
Do you really think her meeting the OM was only as friends. I call BS, their plan was to consumate the affair in the physical.
I would contact the OMW and ask her what she knows at some point, but not until you get more intel.
I am pro-exposure and pro-tough love.
You need to gather intel, do not expose until you have all your ducks in a row. When you are ready to expose, DO NOT reveal your sources no matter what, just reveal that you "know everything". Puppy, Gucci, Robx, others are experts on exposure.
It has been said several times here, but cheaters will lie and continue to lie. My STBX still lies about her affair.

Read up on boundaries. Get yourself dettached.

The biggest mistake I made was rush the exposure, and in hindsight I should have lawyered up immediately.
This is only my perspective, others do not agree with the tough love approach.
It sure appears that the success rate with a WAW is very, very low, especially with an EA.
Good luck, my prayers are with you.
Dane

[dday101798]

I will say in regards to OM with my sitch was kind of the same. They were old friends, grew up on the same block, same schools, the whole shebang. Soooo, the story goes from (x)W was that he was the viable option for being "such a nice guy" and they had talked about dating ever since high school but "never had the opportunity".

yea, that sets my mind at ease

Anyway, as (x)W was quick to find out, he does not a thing for her other than the emotional support, and even that died a quick death.

Therfor, 'old flings' are not of concern IMO in this game for the big picutre.

As far as contacting OMW. I think that might blow up in your face. I'd keep it local and set the bounry with your W, YOU WILL NOT LIVE IN A OPEN MARRIAGE, if she degresses, give a life lesson and kick her to the curb. Tough love.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Dazed,

Any response(s) to everyone who took the time to post to you since yesterday? I know it's probably not what you wanted to hear, but . . .

Puppy

[timehealsall]

Hope you are better dazed!

[dazed1]

"Therfor, 'old flings' are not of concern IMO in this game for the big picutre."
Not sure if I follow you. Are you saying I should NOT be concerned about this "old fling" OM?

"As far as contacting OMW. I think that might blow up in your face."
How? Any experience with this? From the intel I've gathered the OMW does sound like a take no shyte type of person. She blasted my wife pretty good in the email...assuming all of what I'm reading is true. I guess worst case the OMW blows up on the OM and my wife (again) after I bring up the subject, which I guess could make them circle the wagons?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

As far as contacting OMW. I think that might blow up in your face. I'd keep it local and set the bounry with your W, YOU WILL NOT LIVE IN A OPEN MARRIAGE, if she degresses, give a life lesson and kick her to the curb. Tough love.

I disagree, Dday. I think exposing to the OP's spouse is one of the most effective affair-busting tools we have in our aresenal, not to mention the fact that she has a right to know.

Why should she be the ONLY one of the four directly involved to NOT know what is going on, so that she can make her own decisions on what she feels is best for her and her family?

Puppy

[timehealsall]

I agree with Puppy. I would expose the A to the OMW.

So long as it's a secret, it's going to continue...period.

If the OMW is the no shyte type of person like you wrote, then that should rattle their cage a bit...

[dazed1]

Why should she be the ONLY one of the four directly involved to NOT know what is going on, so that she can make her own decisions on what she feels is best for her and her family?

I think I'm actually the one out of the four who knows the least. OMW blasted W and made threats in an email for some reason. Maybe she's just a "jealous nutjob" as W says, or maybe OMW found something. I don't have contact info for OMW, but she is on FB. Any reason I shouldn't contact her that way? I'm asking since I'll leave a trail (the message) that could be used against me?

[dday101798]

Agreeing to disagree for a moment and explain my logic:

I see it as, OMW already knows and is infuriated enough by it. So, in him contacting her, she may just get so fed up with the situation that OMW will give OM the boot and just free up OM even more to the WAW. Especially since everybody is all in the loop and the A is exposed, then the WAW might just up and leave on her own as well.

Sure, it will burn out the A much quicker, but at the same time, completely destroy the lives of all the kids involved.

That just me tho, everybody is entitled to their own opinion

[Greek]

Used against you how? By your W? Please. You just tell her that everything you have done and will do is to save your M and preserve your family.

Greek