I know there is always hope. That's part of what has kept me hanging on. And the kids, of course. But hope that the woman I fell in love with and still love so much is somewhere inside this alien that I have been living with for several months. I miss my wife! I know when I was going through my depression, I wasn't always fun to be around. I wasn't my old, happy self. I have taken my part of the blame, but she doesn't see where she has done anything wrong. It doesn't matter right now. I have to be strong and fight for my marriage because she is still in fantasy land.
I will keep DBing and learning and trying to the very end. I have too much to lose. Hopefully, someday soon, she will come to the same realization. I strive to be the best person I can be.
I had been doing better with feeling like I am running out of time. It gets overwhelming sometimes just being the only one trying. She can go from hot to cold in an instant, but if I'm in a bad mood for any reason, I'm the biggest a$$ in the world. How much longer can it go on? I do get the feeling she would leave if she had anywhere to go. Where can she go with four kids and a part time job? Nowhere.
This is a great place to vent my frustrations and get set back on the right track by good people going through the same thing or those who have been there and had success. I know I'm doing this for myself, but I haven't got to the point that I KNOW I will be OK with or without my W. I want a better M than we had before. I know we can do it. I have to be patient enough to wait for her. Then whatever she decides, I will have to be OK with.
