You may be on to something OP! Tonight D13 told me that H told her last night that she hasn't been pitching enough~that she is now an "average" pitcher.......said he made her cry. I wish I knew why that seems like the right approach......
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Brooklyn - Thank you. I know you've been there. I know you understand. I know I don't have a choice - I know I have to continue on with this journey. I honestly started this post in an attempt to get direction. I will take your suggestions to heart.
It seems monumental, really -- like every other step. More difficult for someone who has never done this - and truthfully, I know that is one of the reasons that I am "here." I know this is something I should have learned years ago. I know that my lack of self was a factor in the downfall of my marriage.
I did not post to whine about my fate or the position I am in, I posted in an attempt to ask for help.
I've been told along the way to not "assume" things about my H. I've been told not to "imagine" things, but to accept them the way they are. I've made an honest attempt to assess where I am - what I've lost, what I've found and where I hope to go. Please do not assume that I am just here whining about how I don't know what to do to get sympathy, to keep wallowing in my sadness, to remain stuck, or whatever. That is not where I am at. Doing for myself is just something I have NEVER done, and I do not know how.
With 3 kids playing competitive ball this spring/summer, working full time, small household projects put off over the winter, yardwork, and 5 acres to mow - fall is a realistic time to hope for any kind of trip for me. I guess more than anything, I need time. I will continue to work on lists.
I know I have a lot to work on. Maybe there is no direction anyone can give me---no specific instructions. I will continue to look within.
I did learn something yesterday - no more posting from my phone.......OP - is there a way to delete the extra posts?
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Hello, I have taken up walking - given that I NOT a wlaking kind of girl this is a massive step for me (no pun intended).
I have agreed to walk the 3 Peaks (in the UK) and did my first one last Sunday - arrived at the top and felt amazing.....my lungs were back in the car park mind you .....but walking is something I can do everyday, it lifts my spirits, costs nothing and gives me some thinking time every day - I ffeel energised.
Maybe there is something you can do in your area?? Maybe there is a small posse of friends who can come up with ideas to shake off the old and ring in the new you??
Just a thought to maybe get you started.
lalxx
Choose Life Me: 45 Him: 44 S:11 D:8 Met in 1992 Married in 1995 Bomb drop September 30th 2009 Divorce final April 16th 2011 exH Marries OW June 17th 2011
Di, I don't think your whining at all. You are legitimately stuck (this may be a bad word) in a role you think you have to play. A role your very comfortable with and very much enjoy. Interestingly enough you are probably at the same spot many of our spouses found themselves in as they began their journey into MLC. Have you considered that you may in fact be starting or well into a MLC? My understanding, and I can relate to this, is most MLCers share one thing; a feeling of lost identity.
I understand what your asking. Unfortunately, the only person who can answer the question about what gets you going is you. The challenge you're going to face is getting out of your comfort zone of care taking. You may have to do something crazy like asking your H take on more responsibility for the daily activities of the kids for a week while you sort things out. Maybe go somewhere by yourself for a couple of days of reflection. You get the point. You have to be a little bit selfish.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Di, there are so many things to try that you haven't thought of. I made myself a bucket list of sorts, some are kind of pricey but I am working on them bit by bit.
You need to put yourself first at least for a moment. Your life has belonged to everyone but you for so long that now you don't have a clue where to start.
Eaach day try to do one thing for yourself. It could be reading, getting a massage, not answering the phone and taking a long bath. You could plan a weekend away to a B & B sans kids. take a look at the area about 3 hours around you and "discover" and explore! Do something not sports oriented.
If you want to meet up one weekend, I could help you think of more things off your beaten path. Full steam ahead!!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
