Aver! I keep forgetting to check in on you! My job has been CHAOTIC, and I'm losing track of my faves!
Originally Posted By: avermont
Just that those of us (ahem, avermont) who are still wallowing are now looking for stories of that "done" moment.
Hmmmm... When was I done? Lots of little "dones" - But the big one had to do w/information from the PI. I purposely haven't advertised specifics, because I have a plan. It would take a LOT to get me to waver from it, and... quite simply, I'm not interested in differing opinions of it! LOL
But, I'll just say...
I had to allow myself to release the anger, resentment, and most of all, requirement of myself to trytrytry anymore. But, I did. It's freeing.
The only advice I would give is, for anyone who has any suspicion of infidelity... DO NOT just go into dealing w/it haphazardly. Here's what I did, that allowed me to be done, when confronted w/behavior/proof of an A:
#1-Get yourself mentally and emotionally ready to deal with the results of infidelity intel(Don't take two years like me... I suspected from BOMBDAY#1, but wasn't strong enough to deal w/the information.)
#2-Develop a plan for the uncovering of truth/results of the truth (may have multiple plans), and truly understand and commit to your personal marital deal breakers. For me, it wasn't just an A that was the deal breaker... it was him watching me day in and day out try to save this M (for two years, plus)...
#3 - Get lawyered up BEFORE you start the uncovering of intel. Use your plan to drive your intentions w/the L. For me, I can't think of any way to come back from all of this. Financially, we have a LOT of considerations (companies, investments, IRS issues, loans, etc...), so after the meeting w/the L, I needed time do my homework, since I don't handle any of this for our family. When I confront my H w/the infidelity intel, he will promptly be handed a legal SA, and told he is leaving the home immediately.
#4 - Hire the best damn PI you can find. I've spent a LOT, but, I can tell you, that within the first few days of hiring (and before even tailing him), they had info I had not even begun to consider. It will make you puke.
#5 - Don't release too quickly. I'm receiving final PI info today. I still have homework to do for the L. Because of IRS issues, I may need to wait an extra few weeks to unload all of this. It's not easy to sit on, but I won't jeopardize my future because I got impatient. Hell, I've waited two years.
#6 - At the end of all of this, you should be okay, and at peace with your decision. If you're not, you're not ready.
I'm just ready for relief.
Originally Posted By: avermont
I hope this "personal" day fills you with strength and energy!
Thank you. It's time to begin living again (for me), and not everyone else. I'm a WORKING Mom w/a fiesty teen, two boys that play club soccer, PLUS a school sport at the same time, a H that travels all work-week (well, maybe notsomuch...). I looked in the mirror and finally saw my face, not surrounded by everyone else's. Time to focus.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Everyone - Again, thanks for the well wishes for my ME day. (Sandycay, LOL, btw...)
Originally Posted By: Fergie
Mind, HUG Sounds like you had a nice time today. Good for you. A little light on the details... So what did you do? --Fergie
Let's see...
Well, first I got dressed up... (new black dress, new GREAT black sandals, etc...) Then, I ditched the boys (LOL). Then, I shopped a little. Then, I (guiltily) did about 10 min of work.
Then, I met a friend. Who provided me with peace, clarity and direction.
I'm not sharing details w/you guys. It was MY day... LOL
HUGS, and thanks for asking.
/Found a jersey //Intruding on your sport next... ///How many of these can you use?
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
