I'm in a depression now myself, so it does make it hard to detach and to stop spinning and so on. I don't like feeling like this at all! And believe me I know that I've been stuck too long. If anyone has gone through a depression they know that you just don't snap out of it.
Goodfight,
No you don’t just snap out of a depression.
I think that has been one of the points made by people who have been posting to you, on all of your threads.
MLC contains depression. Your H is not going to just “snap” out of it either.
However, I feel like you are using it as a crutch.
A crutch to spin, to not move forward, to keep feeling bad until the pills make you feel better.
To be honest, yes they take some time to work…
But, they only work to a degree. You still have to do the work involved to start making yourself feel better. This isn’t like taking an antibiotic. It won’t fix the problem on it’s own.
I have a friend, who is diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. She spent 4 years in a psychiatric facility. The first two on medication only. Which helped with her depression and mania, but made her ill in other ways. She spent the next two years, in intensive counseling, working herself off of the medication, and learning how to deal with life, because she knew that she didn’t want to live that way but she also didn’t want to live life out of control.
She now has two children diagnosed with Autism. Was in a physically abusive relationship with their father for a while. Never once, in the last 16 years have I heard her blame her disease for any difficulties she has had in dealing with things. She has acknowledged that it makes it a bit more difficult at times, but she never lays down and says, I’m having a low period and when it passes, or when the pills kick in (because she refuses to take them) THAT is when I will deal with this. She uses the knowledge she gained in therapy, the coping skills, and recognizes why she is feeling what she might be, looks in the mirror ALL of the time, and deals with her problems, as best she can, ALWAYS overcoming.
She is my hero. She is one of the bravest women that I know.
GF,
Nothing is different because you have decided that your H is in MLC. Not really.
How you handle you, the advice you have received since you first registered here, is the same.
Detatch, GAL, work on YOU, focus on you and your child…
Because you ARE NOT doing those things, anything you do in regards to your H, is NOT helping you M. Fixer’s advice, is great, for down the road, if you H starts to wake up, but right now, it isn’t so good.
Right now, you H sees the same old Goodfight. EVERY time you have any contact with him, you are the woman he is running from.
Why?
Because you haven’t shown him anything different.
I have read each and every word on all of your threads. You haven’t shown me anything different so I can guarantee you haven’t shown him anything.
We may seem harsh to you.
We have all been there. THAT is the reason. Because we all DO understand.
No one, not a DB coach, not me, Mach1, 25, Fixer, J3B, Jasmine, no one can guarantee you your H will return. That is the unfortunate reality of MLC or WAS.
But do you really want to live the rest of your life this way?
Or does the possibility that whether your M is restored or not, that you won’t always have to feel like this, that you can have a good R with SOMEONE at somepoint, sound more appealing to you…
Happy, healthy, whole people attract people to them.
Depressed, sad, lonely people tend to remain that way. Isolated.
So maybe you have found the magic pill you seek. The fix. Not a quick fix, not an easy fix, but a fix none the less. One that many of us can tell you works. Not to reconcile a M, but to save yourself.
A reconciled M, that is a bonus.
Why do you keep avoiding doing the work that will make you better if you really want to be better?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
