Question

[awest1217]

H is MIA a lot and I just found out he was MIA again last weekend, but I had no clue because I know nothing about his life, which has made me just close up again. I probably shouldn't have made the leap of faith, but I just really don't want to go through a D, not really because I want to stay with H, but because of all the negative ramifications that go with it. H is the part I am ok with leaving...

So here is what happened...
Monday after work I sent him a quick text about one of our mutual friends who just had their baby (they are missionaries to India and I figured he wouldn't hear any other way). Then I asked how his day was and he gave me a short version and that was it.

So yesterday early I sent H another text asking for him to leave our fertilizer spreader out at his parents because he promised me to give it to me before spring break...and of course didn't and I want to get some fertilizer on the yard because I am really trying to make it look nice and enjoying the time doing it. Then the car stalls again so I send H another text more because I am mad at him for not responding to my text about the spreader so any other thing and said If you care, the car stalled again and some other stuff about what I was going to do to fix it. I got a response back that said of course I care and i will have the spreader on teh side of the house and sorry you are having a bad morning. UGH!

So after that I decided trying to be friends with H or trying to talk to him at all and use a different strategy is not working so I need to just stick to what is best for me and that is completely detaching and not talking to him unless he asks me something.

He is the part that makes me mad at myself for even thinking I could start trusting H again and mad at H for pulling my chain with his stupid card and gift. I go to get the spreader hoping to not see MIL, but she saw me so she came out and asked to see S. I said it wasn't a problem and thanked her for the card I got from her. Anyway we talk for about 10 minutes and come to find out...she asked H to ask me about pizza on Friday night. He told her that I was busy so I couldn't come and he wasn't there either...I wasn't busy at all. I sat at my house watching TV, cleaning the house, and tagging clothing for the resale. I told her that I wasn't busy at all, but S and I sat at home all night. Then she said something about dinner last Sunday (they were busy Saturday which was fine with me). I said H never asked me about Sunday either. I said I had a surprise party, but we left there at 5 so could have come to dinner at her house around 6. She said she asked H and at dinner time no one was there (where was H?) so they just ate dinner without us. She said she had bought an ice cream cake (kind of tradition) and everything.

I just don't know why I keep letting myself get sucked in by H. I guess I am just so naive to think that he might somewhere really care about me. I have to just keep reminding myself that he is the master manipulator. I am almost positive I know where he was...but it really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter why he is lying to me and his parents. Nothing matters or makes sense and I am not going to try to figure it out.

I finished by telling MIL that if she ever wants us to come over that she just has to call, and to call my cell and not the house because we are outside a lot. I said H and I only talk about once a week and he never lets me know that you have asked us to come over so just assume if you tell H I won't find out. We are going to go over for pizza on Friday night (still be cautious because for all I know MIL is manipulating me too), but it is BIL birthday weekend and I get along with him and S loves him to death so I will go for that. I am busy a lot of weekends now, so it isn't like I will go over there every Friday, but once in a while isn't bad.

As for H, I want to send him a nasty e-mail just because I can't stand him. I want him to know that he isn't playing me anymore and I just want him to leave me alone, but I am not going to do that. I am just going to let my actions speak for me. I am done talking to him or texting him. I will respond, but with no information and only if I am not busy. I am so sick of his stupid manipulative behavior and if he is going to rehab...he should stop because obviously...it isn't helping him and he has been going now for a month supposedly every weekend. You would think there would be at least a little change by now, but nothing.