The look in the eyes of a MLC'er is akin to the "deer in the headlights" look...it is odd. The LBS also shares that look..it is a look of shock, disbelief, and it's unsettling to see.
I had a picture that was taken in 2001 when my husband's dad died, and that look was captured in the pic...he looked like a crazy man, quite literally.
I'd always heard the eyes were the windows to the soul, and I believe that.
So, OW belongs to the Pentecostal, or Holiness faith? Huh, when did Jesus revise the teachings concerning adultery? I don't think so!
Those are the ones who do not believe in the women wearing pants.
I was raised in the Pentecostal faith as a child; didn't wear pants until I was grown. I still hold to many of the beliefs, but I no longer ascribe to a certain faith/religion.
Many times during MLC, the MLC'er will "twist" religion into many shapes and forms, claiming the Lord "brought us together," in an attempt to condone the affair. And GOD had NOTHING to do with it..true, He has His hand in all things, good and bad, but truthfully, God and sin CANNOT coexist in the same room/body. One or the other has to go. That is nothing but a lie of the devil, in order to justify adultery.
It ALWAYS makes me angry when people try and use religion to justify their actions which are clearly WRONG!!
I've seen so many people suffer consequences for many wrong actions and they wonder why God allows bad things to happen to them...what, like they are special or something?
Yet, when bad things happen to good people, I've often heard it said that so and so was sinning and got punished....when that clearly wasn't the case. Each of us know our situations, and God knows our situations..and we KNOW if what is happening is because of our sin or not.
I was so afraid that I was being punished for something I did; yet knew I'd done nothing wrong.
Most of the time it will fall under the heading of the innocent suffering at the hands of another..and the person administering the suffering will pay consequences.
I came to understand that being a Christian does NOT mean my suffering ends; if anything it INCREASES. Every trial is set before me to help me grow in wisdom, understanding and strength.
It is not what we endure, it is how we endure it..our attitude is a major thing in this.
The strength I gained can be gained by ANYONE..it is not mine, exclusively; therefore it is accessible to ALL.
The only way to come to the end is by going through the trial..no shortcuts allowed.
I can hand out tool after tool after tool, but it is not up to me to complete the course; it is up to the people I give the tools to.
The Lord Himself could not MAKE me endure, nor could He FORCE me to go through and learn what I did; I had to decide to do that, acting upon His gift of free will given to ALL people. Because I ALLOWED Him to help me, He gave me the tools, and left it up to me to learn how to use them as an individual.
More than any other time in my life, my husband's MLC really taught me what God was all about, and in turn, it increased my understanding of Him.
And, most of all, I'm thankful for having had this experience; without it, I would not have learned all I needed to learn throughout.
Guess I got to preaching, and kinda forgot where I was. LOL!!
Getting off my soapbox now, LOL!!
Have a good one.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
I would listen to the DB coach. You are in a good place to begin communicating with your H again. Like everyone has said, don`t do what doesn`t work.
When you do meet with H, pretend he`s your friend, treat him as you would a friend. Relax and look great!! Remember not to have an R talk, this may scare him away. Discuss what you need to, keep your cool, and have zero expectations.
HB...good to see you back! I had no idea that you grew up in the pentecostal religion! I will make sure and notice his eyes! Thanks for the advice on the alt!
Twink, Mila, and Celestial!
Thanks for the words of encouragement...I admit that I have had such a good attitude the last couple of weeks and now today, thinking about talking with my H, is making me be crabby and impatient with the dogs, kids etc. I KNOW it is the thought of coming out of my comfort zone and talking with H!
Just got back from a power walk to get rid of some tension! Saw a beautiful sunset!
I like what you say celestial about treating him as a friend and being relaxed!
Thanks again guys!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
You know it SA! Got a compliment from a teller at the bank today on how tiny I look!
So, heard something new today from a co-worker of my H's. First of all, he lied to me (oh gasp!), H told me OW works this other shift and found out that she works the exact same shift as my H...which fills in a lot of blanks for me! Not that it matters now except that I won't feel bad taking the truck back as he can ride with her since they work the same hours!
But, the big thing I heard today is that OW has quit going to church. Her family knows about the A and are very upset with her...the co-worker said it is tearing them apart! She is still wearing the skirts though...lol!
As HB would say, grab the popcorn and watch the show!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
CW - That's very good that the OW is under lots of pressure from her family. She may play the "me against the whole world" game for a while but eventually that may be a big factor for her. I know that it played a big role for H's OW. Her whole family rejected her and no one wanted to have anything to do with her even her own sister told her that she is no longer part of the family.
So yes, get some popcorn and settle into a comfy chair...it may be a long show.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
From what I've observed the dresses the women of the Pentecostal faith wear are rather plain.
Someone had taken a quote from Peter about "let it not be the broided hair, jewelry, but what's within the heart"(paraphrase), PLUS a passage that states that women are to dress decently, PLUS a passage that states women are not to dress like men...
And twisted it all up into women are not supposed to wear pants at all, and not dress attractively.
I came to the understanding as a young adult that I was not to dress to cause others to stumble, yet wearing pants was all right. It wasn't about what I wore, but what was within my heart that mattered. And the relationship I had with God was between me and Him.
I don't know how many times I've been told I couldn't be a "real" christian..because I wore pants, and I was also told I was going to Hell.
People walk their paths, which aren't always the same as mine, but I don't judge because people are always searching out truth.
We are each at a growing process, regardless of where we are..and it's not always in a religious sense.
What we can do as christians of the faith is to show love, understanding and tolerance; naming sin for what it is, but always hoping that Jesus Christ will show within us to others.
We will get NOWHERE judging others if we're not willing to judge ourselves by those same standards...and look within ourselves for our faults. Everyone has faults, no one is perfect.
I don't wear much jewelry, just my wedding band; I gave up wearing makeup a long time ago...MY CHOICE, not because of my beliefs. I live as simply as I possibly can..again, MY CHOICE.
I keep an open mind, as I learn something every day.
I don't shove religion down people's throats; I talk about my faith in the Lord, but don't expect people to share that faith or even to be in the same place I am.
Watch and wait regarding OW...her family may knock down this house of cards, she and your husband have built, CW.
May not take long, either..family pressures can take their toll.
Pop da popcorn, watch the drama....is all you can do.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
Hi Mila and HB! The first thought that went through my head was "dang, now OW won't pressure H to join her church" which I had always thought might be the undoing of them, then, I thought of it the way you two have mentioned...a few weeks ago, I would have been thrilled about this news...I know that this doesn't mean that he will come running back to me and I also know, that I don't want him to come running back right now...
I still love him, the old him, I don't like who he is right now...I am not going to think on it too much...luckily, I LOVE popcorn and a good drama!
HB-my Mom thought all girls should wear dresses to school so I was in Jr HIgh before I got to wear pants. I had to wear shorts under all my skirts because the kids were constantly pulling them up!!!! I HATE wearing dresses!!! But, gotta have my makeup and could buy hairsprsy by the case! Jewelry...same old hoops everyday, maybe an ankle bracelet in the summer! Funny how we all have our things!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
CW, Imagine trying to cope with religious and family pressure while trying to deal with a MLCer. OW has no idea who your H really is. All she's getting is the shell of your H as he is aboard the mothership on the ride of a lifetime.
You're so wise not wanting him back right now. He's no where near done.
I'm choosing to view this time as a favor to me. I get to work on me without the pressure of having to deal day to day with a person who is now a virtual stranger as he is so different from the man I used to know. It almost makes me feel sorry for ow. Well, not really, she's getting what she deserves. lol
Hang in there, you're doing great. As a wise dber once told me, I'm watching the same movie, just in a different theater. Popcorn anyone?
