Brooklyn - Thank you. I know you've been there. I know you understand. I know I don't have a choice - I know I have to continue on with this journey. I honestly started this post in an attempt to get direction. I will take your suggestions to heart.

It seems monumental, really -- like every other step. More difficult for someone who has never done this - and truthfully, I know that is one of the reasons that I am "here." I know this is something I should have learned years ago. I know that my lack of self was a factor in the downfall of my marriage.

I did not post to whine about my fate or the position I am in, I posted in an attempt to ask for help.

I've been told along the way to not "assume" things about my H. I've been told not to "imagine" things, but to accept them the way they are. I've made an honest attempt to assess where I am - what I've lost, what I've found and where I hope to go.
Please do not assume that I am just here whining about how I don't know what to do to get sympathy, to keep wallowing in my sadness, to remain stuck, or whatever. That is not where I am at. Doing for myself is just something I have NEVER done, and I do not know how.

With 3 kids playing competitive ball this spring/summer, working full time, small household projects put off over the winter, yardwork, and 5 acres to mow - fall is a realistic time to hope for any kind of trip for me. I guess more than anything, I need time. I will continue to work on lists.

I know I have a lot to work on. Maybe there is no direction anyone can give me---no specific instructions. I will continue to look within.

I did learn something yesterday - no more posting from my phone.......OP - is there a way to delete the extra posts?

Me 45
M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08
D 18, D 14, S 12