Into my arms... #70

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Maria, I keep thinking about what you are asking of him... have you ever been in his shoes? I agree with Forest, how can you explain something like that? You cant. I had an EA/PA for a year (LOTS of meeting in cars during/after work to fool around...) I could never explain it rationally to bf...it came at an odd time in my life, my Mum had had a cancer scare, I was freaked out to be in my thirties, BF had been grumpy and distant for a year previously focusing on his MSc etc..but none of these are reasons. I met OM through work, we gradually got closer with work banter and the stark bottom line was, I just really fancied him and I got sucked in to an innapropriate R with him over time.

I had dreadful dreadful guilt after it ended and I never wanted to answer questions during piecing, but I did answer succinctly (and never volunteered anything new), enough to satisfy bf, move on and put it all behind us. I remember feeling relieved about the things he DIDNT ask and I didnt have to answer - because all I wanted was our loving, solid R back and I was afraid he would change his mind and decide to dump me if I revealed too much, because he wouldnt be able to take the truth, or believe I really was glad to have him back (because how can you accept you can go from the intensity of an A to being gladly back with your partner??..But you can!). I have also NEVER talked about it, or admitted it to friends or family, people I am normally honest and very close with, except my BFF and you all here, because...I'm NOT PROUD OF IT.

Hey Abbey, great post and I agree with you. BF has admitted he did find Helen attractive before he left and did notice woman in the street also, but swears he doesnt now - and I get as much reassurance as it seems you get now. But I was upset yesterday that his phone was off during lunch and I quizzed him about where he had been and worried he had met her..I was surprised how untrusting I felt, but I'm no longer complacent, because BF was the LAST person I would have thought possible of walking out and dating someone else. Like you, I have doubts sometimes, but I realise that feeling will fade to a normal level as in ANY R so I dont dwell on it. And bf once chose to trust me again hey.

Maria, I think you have a hard time because of the extent of his betrayal, but the reasons and hows and whys of how he got himself into it probably seem down a very long distant tunnel to him now? The one who has the affair is able to let it go sooner than the partner, IMHO.
Hugs xxx