I know you are in poor health and I hate to be harsh, but you say you are unwilling to settle for crumbs. If that is the case why did you decide to go to her place and to ML several times? You want to move out of the 'friendship zone'? I am pretty sure I have never ML repeatedly with one of my friends...
Just make sure you do know what you want and that you actually go for it and do not just go which ever way the wind blows at the moment. Take care of yourself...
