All very interesting. I'm wondering who's trampling your "boundaries" though. Did you bring that up or did she assume you are a people pleaser and tell you you had a problem with that?
I had brought up my preference to avoid conflict and keep the peace, and the discussion evolved from there. It even moved into some interactions in my workplace. I'm in an unusual position because I work where my mother worked and with a number of her friends who have not yet retired. Because of this, I'm not an adult to some of these folks. Without realizing it, I sometimes do things/run errands/fetch for a few who tell (not ask) me to. I almost blindly follow these orders because I tell myself, "They're grown-ups." I was brought up to be obedient, follow directions, say "ma'am" and "sir," and do as I was told (typical southern upbringing). It's something that I can't shake around some of these colleagues.
Quote:
I'm just curious because even things that sound insightful from ICs start to sound like scripts to me after awhile. Guess I'm skeptical.
Nothing wrong with being a skeptic!
Quote:
Because just because that freak at work tried something on you doesn't mean YOU have a boundary issue you need to now worry about. You were not the first and last person he will do that with. ANd it doesn't sound like your H trampled around on you. It sounds like he sulked and stuffed until he exploded and left.
You're right about the idiot from work. And you're right about H. I believe that I held in my real feelings and didn't share them with H. There are two factors here, though. One, I didn't want to evoke any defensive behavior from him. Two, I didn't want to hear unsolicited advice, be interrupted, hear "what my problem was," or be told that I "shouldn't feel that way."
Quote:
Wonder if your tingling finger is stress clenching or new AD symptom. Just a thought.
(Former step)sister is a nurse, so she's on the case. She was integral in the ulcer diagnosis and treatment, and she'll be all over this one, too.
Quote:
And why WOULDN"T you want your H's approval? You also want his love. I don't find that to be a pathology on your part. IT's natural. You are bonded with him and thus miss him. That doesn't make you an approval seeking doormat.
Too true. I just wish having his approval and his love didn't matter so much to me right now.
Quote:
I agree with all the communication stuff and wall of words to defend his actions stuff she said. Sounds totally like the interactions you have described with him. You are not being heard because he is presenting a defense of his leaving always and a speech about his moods.
