Yeah I will always be in love mode I guess. Will always love her despite what she has become now. So I have to fake it.
The thing about knowing somebody so well because you have been together so long is that they also know you well. It makes it hard to fake things around them. She can see right through me.
I can't help but feel like going dark on her is exactly what she wants me to do. I feel the need to make myself visible in a possitive way but she now only calls me about once a month. I feel her slipping away futher from me every time I see her.
Is going dark really the right thing to do in the case of a divorced WAW? I am having doubts now and feeling prety hopeless.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
As long as there is a ember of feeling left in the X, there is hope. Bu t, embers need time to turn into flames. I too, had a moment last summer, before divorce was final and uttered the "I miss you" feeling. Somehow I thought if I told him my feelings he would reciprocate with the same feelings. No such luck! It got worse, and I too felt hopeless. As far as going dark, I am not an expert on that, but I do think you can quickly turn this around with a change of attitude. Yes, they know us, but just like them we too can change. You've got to fake it. With every future interaction, let her get the feeling that the last conversation was the last straw with you, and although you can remain cordial, you are now moving on. I have become a master at disassociating from hi m while conversing, or meeting. I can appear happy, confident and less interested and honestly, the faking alone has contributed to the genuine change I feel. I know he notices. He now engages me in conversation and calls more instead of tx paging. I know I am a long place from where I would like to be, but time is on my side. I know there is a ember somewhere in him, and while he tries on new relationships, I will continue to exercise, read, and stay as busy as possible.
Hang in there. Everyday is a chance for a new beginning.
You work at it and eventually the 'faking it' becomes second nature...confusing many of the WAS's ideas about you. It's almost a shock and it's taken a good year and a half for this to happen in my case.
The truth about going dark, is that you aren't really going totally dark. You act as if you are moving on and leave the door open to the possibilty of reconciliation.
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
Well Im 48 years old today (ugh!). And as expected, not even a text msg from the XW. At least I acknowleged her BD in Feb.
I know that this was to be expected but that doesnt change the fact that it still hurt. You would think that 23 years together counted for at least a freaking phone call! Hell she gives B-day cards to people she barely knows!
All boils down to the fact that I am still not 100% detached.
Sorry for the pitty party but I just felt like getting this out.
Tomorrow morning I will get up early and have breakfast with a good friend. I have only known her for about two months but she did give me a b-day card. Very sweet woman and is a blast to be around as she has a great sense of humor and fantastic insight.
So not all days are dark here in limbo land. Who knows, maybe some day it will be a tourist attraction.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
Oh yea, good ol' limbo land. Yea, mine peaked last summer. Trust me, you'll get through it.
Having another woman around who shows you respect can definately help you get through things. After my divorce, I had a short fling with a 21 year old. We had nothing in common, but it really helped me get my confidence back. For a while I just kept things casual and had alot of fun. I still thought about my xw often, but it really helped me get strong again.
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
Well I just got a wonderful birthday present. And my worst nightmare has come true.
This may be my last post here. She broke the dealbreaker. I just found out that she has in fact been having an affair and it sounds like it was emotional as well as physical.
She cheated on me! I can NOT deal with this. It's over. I will either move over to surviving or just dissapear from here completely for a while while I deal with this.
She had problems with her email and she is still on my TWC account. So I had her email reset. I could not help myself so I fired up a web browser and looked at her email. Most were deleted but not all. Now I know why she was so frantic about wanting me to fix it for her but not until she was present.
She is in love with her fist high school boyfriend and lover from 30 years ago that she found on facebook. I almost threw up when I read some of the emails. I have his first and last name and apparently he is married and has five kids in college.
She came over and confessed that she never loved me and only married me because she felt like she would never fall in love again. So the entire past 23 years I have been plan B in a loveless marriage. I hurt like hell right now and just cant deal with this.
I told her to get the f**** out of my house and I never want to hear from her again. And I meant it! It's officially over! No more DBing, No more hope, no more anything. I just want this nightmare to be over and want to move on with my life. I will not tell my Son because knowing that his Mom is a sl** would break his heart. But I did let him know that his Mother has a new boyfriend. He will find out sooner or later anyway.
I have a lot of emotions all mixed up in my mind now, Im repulse yet relieved. I am sickened and hurt. And at the same time I still love her or what I thought she was. I am and was in love with an image in my mind. I am a fool. At least I have my Son who loves me.
I may post a few times and then you guys may not hear from me for a while. I need to sort this out. I printed out her emails as a reminder and as proof if ever I need them.
I will not sleep tonight. Please pray for me. The pain is unbearable. And I thought I was getting over the divorce and now the unthinkable has hit me.
Sorry for the rant and the pitty party but I needed to let it out.
Stay strong brothers and sisters. Stay strong. We can get through this!
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
I had a gut feeling. It all started when she got on facebook and reconnected with HS friends four months ago. But it may have even went back for years before then.
She guarded her PC and her Cell phone. Apparently she has been using her work cellphone to talk to this guy so I had no records of calls.
And the SOB is married still! I am tempted to do some research and tell his wife but I will wait 48hrs to calm down and think things through.
I have no clue how far back this has been going on. She has been pushing me away and treating me like sh** for months if not years now and I thought it was just MLC.
They deserve each other. She can have her MLC fantasy affair with him. I no longer care! I just need to move on and right now I have friends to help me with this. Except for my Son I feel like I have wasted the last 23 years of my life.
I am hanging in there but by a thread. I know I should be over her by now since we are already divorced but this news of her affair is brand new to me and something I have been dreading. It is now a reality that I have to deal with.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
In some ways, today is a day of liberation, a day of freedom. No more limbo, no more guessing. Know that at some point, if not already, she will live with regret...for the rest of her life.
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
