"I sure won't write down what I did say the night I heard ILYBNILWY! DB textbook of what NOT to do and I vomited all night long and the following day."
Why not? I am not sure at all that I care if it was "against the rules".
"Funny thing is that if he had said that to me then, I would've taken it! It would have been enough for him to just agree to stay. Now, 2 months later, I see that he and I (and our boys) deserve much more than a contrived coexistence. I really was reeling (even with my faking it smile)."
But the "hint's" of your underlying "Emotion" are what is keeping me posting here. Of course you would "settle" I expect that.
"There's some much more that I could say today if I were granted a do over."
This I believe.. a tiny bit. The issue I have with it is that you would just be restating what you heard works. Based on what I have read so far.. it is not a real change in you. I know without a doubt that you are in "Life Saving" mode.
"Here's where my fantasy "do over" breaks down. It keeps ending in my mind with me begging him to really, really TRY."
This is why I said that. Right now you are still trying to control the situation. In a passive way. Or.. you might say you just want to "win". What if.. in his mind.. he is begging you to really, REALLY try?
"People" don't wake up one morning with the thought that they are gonna walk away. It is a process.
The "People" that do "wake up" one morning and say "I am out".. have been thru the process and make it happen. We call them LBS (Left Behind Spouse).
I will give you some credit in that he is responding to some of your efforts. But.. you are smart.. and I expected that. The thing is that what you 2 are doing right now.. in my opinion.. won't last. I suspect.. you know that too.
I need something more from you. I suspect.. he does to.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
