RE the grandparents/others...maybe just say things on a responding level. For example, if she said "where is H?", tell her that he moved out and is living elsewhere". If she doesn't ask, don't tell.
I think that is fair, but also keeps H from hiding his head and pretending he doesn't need to be responsible. When the worst comes to pass, won't he just say that it is too late to reconsider? Right now, he can reconsider if anyone wants to encouage him that way.
