embracing change

[rockedworld]

Looking forward to hearing good news of things went...

[flowmom]

Whew! Got back from a long cold, rainy, foggy, sweaty day of hiking with my client. Note to self: need to exercise more to get ready for field season! My client's a nice guy, kinda grandfatherly, and I've known him for years. I wasn't as prepared as I wanted to be, but it was OK. Not feeling sick, fortunately. It feels good to earn some money, finally.

[flowmom]

So a friend had an interesting theory that my new-found "detachment" could be the ADs finally kicking in. It's been 2 weeks since I started on the second AD that I switched to, so that makes sense. I definitely feel less anxious, the pain in my stomach is gone, my appetite is better, and I have more of a "flat" feeling. I don't really have any more hope about the future than I did, I just don't feel as much anxiety about it. Thoughts?

About H: I'm feeling a bit pissed today. H is making zero effort to interact or be pleasant with me. I wish I didn't have to interact with him at all. I deserve the consideration that a distant colleague or bank teller would get. If he wants to live "happily ever after" as coparents, he's going to have to make more of an effort than this. It pisses me off that I would have to point this out to him though...I've been overcompensating in our R for years and I'm reluctant to continue doing it.

I stupidly left my computer accessible too and I'm worried that he snooped. Not that it makes any difference I guess.

[Vulcanized]

Flo, glad your meeting went well.

Your anger is totally understandable, and righteous. I can't even imagine how frustrating this sitch is w/children. Not much I can say regarding H's lack of consideration. If I had any insight ...

As for the comp, don't beat yourself up. If you can password it, do so. That's what I did when I realized my H was poking around on it.

Chin up, you are doing well.

<<<hugs>>

[rr22]

FM: So a friend had an interesting theory that my new-found "detachment" could be the ADs finally kicking in.


That is a good point. It is highly possible. Could be first wave of actual detachment, which will come and go, but also could be blunting of anxiety by AD. If so, maybe I should get me some of that detachment pill. Ha. Keep us posted.

FM:
About H: I'm feeling a bit pissed today. H is making zero effort to interact or be pleasant with me. I wish I didn't have to interact with him at all. I deserve the consideration that a distant colleague or bank teller would get.


Yes, I know exactly what you mean. The utter disrespect of being treated more shabbily than a distant colleague or bank teller really hurts. That went away in my sitch after awhile and relations improved for a time before beginning another rollercoaster of all sorts of things. So that might happen yet in yours. But it may not. I hope he does not act out his blame and contempt for years. But if he does, you will really know it's "about him" if it's still going on like that in a year.
It may be his self protective wall too. Who knows? Who cares? Grow up, men of the world.

Don't point it out to him at this time. Then he gets to project naggy evil Mom onto you and he gets to play misunderstood teen.
MOdel a more positive alternative in between staying dim for awhile maybe.

Glad things went well at the job today. That's exciting. And yes sobering. The senior citizen clients sure can hike a long ways!

[courageous wife]

FM-so happy for you on the job front! Hope it felt good to get back out there and have some "control"!!!

[flowmom]

Thanks RNM and rr and CW.

That is a good point. It is highly possible. Could be first wave of actual detachment, which will come and go, but also could be blunting of anxiety by AD. If so, maybe I should get me some of that detachment pill. Ha. Keep us posted.

Smart sister says she thinks that I actually have made real progress and done the work, but that the ADs helped to do it. So I'm going to reframe not as "fake detachment" but as ADs gave me a boost towards getting the "first wave" of detachment. The decrease in anxiety is quite noticeable and it's a relief. I've had a lot of thoughts about whether H is sleeping with an OW recently, but I'm actually able to choose to release the thought and think about something else rather than getting stuck in an anxiety spiral about it.

Who knows? Who cares? Grow up, men of the world.

Amen sista. My guess is the grumpiness is about guilt and feeling like a victim ("boo hoo, poor me I have to work so hard to support the "ex"").

Don't point it out to him at this time. Then he gets to project naggy evil Mom onto you and he gets to play misunderstood teen.

OK I won't. I guess I'm just discouraged because even my R goals as coparents seem so far away: being able to comfortably share a meal, or do an outing together with the kids.

The senior citizen clients sure can hike a long ways!

lol he's not that old. And I did wait for him a lot . Time to work the stairs!

[Gardener]

fm,

Smart sister says she thinks that I actually have made real progress and done the work, but that the ADs helped to do it.

Very smart sister, I'd say.

So I'm going to reframe not as "fake detachment" but as ADs gave me a boost towards getting the "first wave" of detachment.

I like this reframing. Good, healthy attitude.

The decrease in anxiety is quite noticeable and it's a relief.

God, isn't it, though?

... I'm actually able to choose to release the thought and think about something else rather than getting stuck in an anxiety spiral about it.

Man, do I remember being there! And "spiral" is the only word that adequately describes it!

Good for you all around, fm!

p.s.: If I may ask, what is the nature of your work that involves going hiking with clients?

[flowmom]

If I may ask, what is the nature of your work that involves going hiking with clients?

I'm a professional biologist and I survey natural areas looking for rare plants and making maps of the different ecosystem types. I usually only go out with the client at the beginning of a new project. It's an excuse for him to get out of the office I think

PS: I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't talk to people who get what I'm going through!

[Gardener]

I'm a professional biologist and I survey natural areas looking for rare plants and making maps of the different ecosystem types. I usually only go out with the client at the beginning of a new project. It's an excuse for him to get out of the office I think

Very cool. I'm envious.

PS: I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't talk to people who get what I'm going through!

Tell me about it.

Re: your remark to avermont:

Also want to say that I downloaded a short and cheap audiobook from Byron Katie to listen to during a walk, and something really clicked in me as I listened to the words. Just wanted to recommend them when you want to put something positive in your brain when your brain is stuck on stressful thoughts

What's the title?