No longer "stuck808". Now my name is Bond. "MrBond

[v1olin]

I know what you mean about wanting her to hurry it up:) But patience is your friend. Bond always shows cool, calm, patience. Right? I dunno...I have not watched many Bond movies:)

[pigskin]

Thanks v1olin.

Oh I'm not resentful of the OM. I'm just in one of those moods. They've been coming more and more frequently since she's been showing more positive signs. It's like I want her to move a little faster.

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. One of the hardest things to handle is tempering your enthusiasm when they finally show some tiny ray of hope of coming around. You get pulled out of your detachment and sucked into that, and then they go right back to their fog, leaving you fuming and impatient.

Those are the only times I feel really down. It's so hard, too, since if you ignore their little signs you think you might be missing an opportunity to get things going. So you try to run with it, and then they turn away again.

The toughest part about hard case DBing, I think.

[MrBond]

Bond is cool under pressure.

Although I think sometimes I'd rather take on a maniacal, super-villain bent on world domination than deal with my W.

Wait a minute! That is my W!

[Wildaces81]

Patience young jedi all will be revealed in the force......*blue ghosty guy fades away*

[MrBond]

Update:

So this past weekend was my turn with the kids. My W worked a half day on Saturday, so I figured, what the heck? I showed up at her working place with the kids and invited her to lunch.

She was surprised and said 'sure'. So we all went out to Chili's. When we were leaving the restaurant, I waited to see if she would give me a hug good-bye. She just kind of looked at me a little guilty and said 'thanks'.

So I took the kids home and finished my taxes. We cooked dinner together which was great.

Sunday rolled around and I took the kids for a picnic a the zoo. I asked if they wanted to call my W and they said they did. So she talked to them for a bit, then hung up.

Later that night my kids were crying again saying how much they missed her. My youngest has extreme eczema that flares up with she gets upset, so she was scratching like crazy. I had been holding back telling my W that the pediatrician and therapist all told me that the reason for my D's flare ups is the stress of my W not being home.

I haven't brought it up to my W for fear of it looking like I was blaming her for my D's skin condition. But last night, I figured that enough was enough. Plus I wanted to see what she was going to do.

So when she called to say goodnight to the kids, I went to the side and talked to her privately. I told her about our D's flare-ups and asked her if she missed the kids. She told me that if she had a choice she would have them all the time. I told her that she did have a "choice" but she chooses to stay away. I told her that she has a house of people who love her and maybe rather than pushing us away which is making everyone miserable, including herself, that she should maybe see what happens when she tries to stay in the R.

I told her that I wouldn't be much of a parent or husband if I didn't tell her what was going on. She thanked me for that.

I told her that she mentioned to me how maybe she's the way she is because she never had a good role model in terms of M. I told her that's understandable, and that we are the role models for our kids and it was up to us to set the example for them.

I told her that I've had to shoulder all of the burdens that have come up due to her leaving (the kids crying, her boss trying to get me fired, etc.) and that it was getting to the point where she has to do something to make things right. I told her that she needed to start acting like a mother and a wife and that I was calling her out on her BS. And that I expected her to call me out on mine if I ever behaved the same way.

I kept things short and she pretty much stayed quiet the whole time. In the end she thanked me and I wished her a good night. I was intentionally prodding her here and there to see if she was going to bring up the divorce as she had in the past. She didn't. Which was a good sign.

I wasn't sure how things ended up in her mind, but I decided to do that 180 and start making her accountable for her actions.

Surprise! This morning I get an email from her and she was inviting me to join her and our kids for a birthday party for our D's friend.

I sent back a message "thanks". Which again is different, because before I would have gone a little too over the top in saying "thank you".

I told my T about it today and she said that it was a good sign. I asked my T if it would be okay if she could be a T for my W if she wanted one. She had no problem with that.

So after my appointment, I shoot my W a message telling her how I was seeing a new T and she was great. I told my W that this T has been helping me alot and if she ever wanted to go alone or together, she could. I also told her that she didn't have to tell me if she went and that the T promised to keep everything confidential. Afterwards, my W sends me a "Thank you". Again a good sign. Before, she would have told me that she didn't want to go to C and that things were over between us.

All in all a pretty good few days.

[MrBond]

-

[PMA_Baby!]

Sounds Gd. MrB. Nice job on calling her out on the bs. Just watch the pursuing. Remember you WANT her but dont NEDD her.
I forget. Is she seeing her own T? If not she obvious should be working on owning her stuff.

Keep up the patience. Bond would be proud.

PMA

[MrBond]

Thanks PMA!

She's not seeing her own T. That's why I recommended mine. This T I'm seeing is totally pro-marriage and she actually had problems in her marriage early on that was able to be worked out.

So we'll see what happens. I'm not banking that she's going to go, but I threw it out there.

[MrBond]

So the weekend turned out great. WE spent most of Saturday and Sunday together with the kids. Honestly there were times where I sat back and thought (why the hell are we separated)? I don't think even she knows the answer.

Sunday morning she was a little cold and distant, but by the evening, we were talking and joking. I told her I missed just talking to her. It's odd how I can see the shifts in her moods all within a few minutes.

It's almost like she chooses to be depressed.

So on Monday she calls me up and asks if I need something from the Pharmacy at her workplace since they had a sale. I asked her for a few things and said thanks. This was the first time in 5 months that she's actually asked if I wanted something. So things are progressing.

I gave her the card of the T I'm seeing. And she just said 'thanks' and didn't say she didn't want to go, etc. No expectations on my point.

So all in all a pretty good interaction.

[FindingMyVoice]

Hi MrBond, just wanted to stop by and say thank you for suggesting that website to me... the happilyeverafter one. I downloaded the booklet and it was quite good. And actually a bit of humour mixed in too - refreshing to find something to laugh about all this muck!

I haven't read up on your sitch yet, but from your last post, I'm impressed to see your 'no expectations' comment... way to go. That's tough to do, so a pat on the back to you! Take care! PG