The countdown continues

[FindingMyVoice]

I know it's snarky, but I'm not sure she needs to be any more nuts!

Oh! And PS, I'd forgotten to say this earlier... don't know if it helps any but wanted to share this...

For a long time, I'd felt pretty sad and defeated in most of my appts with my IC. But suddenly in one appt I started feeling angry, and I began speaking quite 'snarkily' about my H (if that's a word!?). Well my IC was thrilled! She actually said it was a good thing! I can't remember her exact words, but the idea was that it showed I'd turned a corner - that this kind of 'spunk' was necessary at that point in order to start getting my power back.

Again, I don't know if that helps any, Awoken? Just wanted to provide you with some encouragement and a pat on the back for working so hard and turning another corner. Thinking good thoughts for you as always. Take care! PG

[flowmom]

Awoken, it sounds like you're finally getting a bit of the peace that you deserve!

Yes, the WAS isn't so thrilled about the actual mechanics of D now that she's going through it! It's hard not to feel some satisfaction in that.

[Gardener]

Lousy sitch (aren't they all?). but...

Ok, I don't understand her level of anger at me, or the fact that I'm so cool in accepting the situation. I talked to a relative yesterday, and they said "you sound good!". I do feel good, even ok with this. I still don't believe divorce is the solution for problems in a marriage. It just feels like crazy times.

you sound healthier and healthier.

[Gardener]

pg,

For a long time, I'd felt pretty sad and defeated in most of my appts with my IC. But suddenly in one appt I started feeling angry, and I began speaking quite 'snarkily' about my H (if that's a word!?). Well my IC was thrilled! She actually said it was a good thing! I can't remember her exact words, but the idea was that it showed I'd turned a corner - that this kind of 'spunk' was necessary at that point in order to start getting my power back.

I had a similar discussion with my new IC last night. I had been describing the insight I've been getting through reading The Journey from Abandonment To Healing and the stages of recovery in it. Then I said, Where's my rage? When does the anger finally come?"
Long story short, she expounded on it and said when it does come -and I'm (over) due - the real healing will begin and the real me will re-emerge.

[Awoken]

Hey Gardener,

My copy of Abandonment to Healing came in the mail yesterday. It was strange to receive one of these books at the house, strange not to have to hide it from W. I read a good part of of it last night, and again thanks for the recommendation of a great book.

I'm not sure where I am in those five stages, and I suspect I'm cycling rapidly through some of them right now. I certainly have some anger, and I can't imagine being married to the person my W has become. I do find the individual stories in the book heartbreaking.

[Awoken]

you sound healthier and healthier.

Well, I hope so. Still, my depression this week has been heavy. Gotta work on my positive attitude.

I think I took a good step in one way. W sent me some very angry emails yesterday morning, and I've just decided to not respond anymore. I spent an hour typing a detailed reply to one, and then right before I sent it I thought: what's the point. It was a good feeling to just release this. I still have the arguing points running around in my mind, and I chase them away with other thoughts. But I think not having a NEED to respond to her is great.

[Awoken]

I've lost track of how many weeks it's been since we sent a counter offer to my W's lawyer. We haven't received a reply yet.
Today, we went ahead and picked possible dates for mediation in June. It looks like that is the way we are headed.

It seems ridiculous, since we basically have agreed on almost all terms. I don't even really know exactly what W is so angry about, in terms of the D agreement. I would think she would want to get it done as soon as possible.

I think it's dawning on her that although she wants me completely out of her life, that as long as we have children together, that's not gonna be possible. Maybe the other realities of the D are hitting her as well. Although I don't think she has any idea what this is doing to our children.

[Sister]

It was a good feeling to just release this. I still have the arguing points running around in my mind, and I chase them away with other thoughts. But I think not having a NEED to respond to her is great.

This does sound healthy. I think you are definitely on the right track. Let go and let God.

Although I don't think she has any idea what this is doing to our children.

And this is really sad. I have a feeling most of the WAS don't really get the impact their actions have on the family. Afterall, it's all about them...

[flowmom]

Glad to hear that you're starting to let go of needing to respond to your W. Unless it's about the children -- not your problem!! Enjoy to the fullest any benefits you experience from this situation.

[Gardener]

W sent me some very angry emails yesterday morning, and I've just decided to not respond anymore. I spent an hour typing a detailed reply to one, and then right before I sent it I thought: what's the point. It was a good feeling to just release this. I still have the arguing points running around in my mind, and I chase them away with other thoughts. But I think not having a NEED to respond to her is great.

Agreed. the longest time, I would type such email responses, putting myself down as the addressee, just in case I impetuously or angrily hauled off and hit the "send" key before thinking it through.