You know, you are right. Actually, I think it's both control, and it being all about him. Clearly, the thought of YOU being his coach is not something he can get his head around. But worrying about R, well, that's him thinking all that's important is him, and his wishes.
I would be really tempted to tell him your team doesn't need him, but it's better to tell him he is welcome on the team, but not R. And he is equally welcome to find another team.
