yrsofhurt, my heart goes out to you. I assume you wanted him back even after divorce. If so, don't let the word "divorce" trick you into an ultimatum. People remarried the same person all the time. Only death is the ultimatum. Don't focus on him, it will hurt yourself and accomplish nothing. You must completely let go, for now. Detachment is the first step. Don't feel bad to make friends with new guys, a male platonic friend will help you detach much easier. Please do exercise, get in shape, buy the clothes you always like and become attractive again. Don't focus on him; pamper yourself. I know you do not have the mood to do such thing; you have to force yourself.
Healing: You need to talk, and talk a lot with other friends or family members that can empathize. Visiting forum is not enough, you need to talk. If possible, pray with them as well. Talk to God, complain to Him, yell at Him, blame Him, whatever it is: open your heart completely to Him, He don't want a heart with courtesy, He want a heart fully disclosed. Speak out to Him, let yourself cry to Him. Weep before Him. Let Him touch you and heal you, He will but only when you completely opened to Him. You know, He Heal! You must believe. He can do all things but our lack of faith limited Him... don't do that, just believe. After you are healed then you can try to re-build the relationship.
