I am now waiting for the talk, do not know how it is going to go down, but I am sure that in the near future there will be another threat of leaving me and taking away my children.
Burt, I hope you don't think I'm a huge downer. I truly am rooting for you and agree with your feelings. Just trying to offer a different perspective so if what you're doing isn't working you can try a different approach.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
No PH, not it at all. Nothing seems to be working, I do know that she does not seem to be willing to work on us at all. I am so tired of it. If it were not for the kids...
Last night we had a knock down dragout heart to heart. We covered what I'm feeling and what she is feeling. I think she really does not think I care about providing for my family. And I think she really feels that this has been going on for years and has never felt secure.
It got heated a few times with me saying at least I do not want to quit on my family and her telling me that I have been lying since we were first married. (I said I graduated college and I didn't, she found out on our honeymoon, great way to start out eh?)
Nothing settled, but I feel all I have to do is start to show her everything that is coming in, and the prospectives that could be coming in, and see if they do or not. Get her more involved. I thought about hiring her for a job I might be getting for a couple of school systems that involve energy mangement, that is July 1. She could do some running for me and statistics.
I was surprised that she said I had been mean these last few weeks and I told her I was just giving her room. I Have decided to act as if we are fine and be a loving husband until I see bad behavior I have no excuse not to.
Pearl she did bring up the pat on the head!!! Wow, I told her that I appologize for that and that I did not mean for that to be a degregation, by any means. Good call! She said she felt like a pet. (I wish I could get the same affection as our pets!)
When and if the money starts rolling in, and she immediatly starts acting more affectionately, and she will, how should I handle it? For example, $25,000 coming in the next 60 days, will catch up and have a nice little savings to start paying off debt, I guarantee she comes out of her misery.
When and if the money starts rolling in, and she immediatly starts acting more affectionately, and she will, how should I handle it? For example, $25,000 coming in the next 60 days, . . .
Shout out to all of the vet DB'ers, and invite us to Vegas???
Puppy, I'm already heading to Vegas next month. Shall we organize a DB cocktail party?
Burt, I thought that was a major issue for her. Financial security is huge, especially for moms. Did you validate her feelings? Involving her more in the finances is a great idea. I know that I didn't have a clue about our finances and understood better once I finally saw the numbers. Plus if she knows when and how much money is coming in it may alleviate some of her mood swings.
Why did you lie to her about graduating college? When you find out your partner is a liar it undermines everything. If you didn't fully discuss it and resolve it at the time I get why she would doubt you ever since.
There's a difference between loving detachment and cold detachment. I know because I totally failed at the former early in my sitch. Giving her space still needs to exist in a warm, loving environment.
Please, please, please refrain from anything that seems paternal (telling her to sit down, patting her head). You are not her father, do not treat her like your child. If you don't like how she is acting, tell her calmly and walk away. If you want respect then treat her with respect as well. Assert and enforce boundaries as necessary but not punitively.
Last edited by pearlharbr; 04/19/1009:17 PM.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Her father was adament about getting my degree before we married, so I was going to start the last semester and found out I had a class that I had to take that would not be offered that semester. Instead of owning up to it, I was scared of him and kept it quiet. I would then go to a school where we would be living a finish up. So I told her after we were married, I was a lot different at 25 than I am now at 41. But no excuse.
I get you PH with the advice, With 2 young boys 12 and 9, I am in the paternal mode a lot. Will be consience of this from now on. Great insight, thank you.
