HeartsBlessing....back to being afraid of the dark. Is there a time frame for that occuring. Does it happen in the beginning stages or throughout?
It happens throughout the crisis/transition. As long as the children are still there to be settled, the childlike feelings persist within; at times, rebellious, yet, continuing to grow in an emotional sense.
Don't be surprised if you're talking to a child who has no sense of responsibility, yet functions as a woman should.
That DOES include being afraid of the dark, and what they THINK is in it. The human mind can blow so many things up into something that is SO much bigger than it really is...at least until it's thrown out onto the table.
But you cannot force them to talk about it. You can only be there when/if needed..and that is hard, as you want to comfort and help...and maybe fix it for them...but that is NOT to be.
This may not help you...but your wife has been going through this for what, around 3 years or so? It took me 6 years to navigate mine..and mostly, it was because my husband wouldn't leave me alone so I could get through more quickly. I've been out for a little over 2 years.
I'm not angry with him now about it...I just remember it was difficult for me.
Through that I finally gained an even better understanding of why the LBS must draw away, besides the fact they, themselves need to learn and grow in this opportunity to find their individuality again.
There are times when LBS is needed by the MLC'er, but the LBS is the ONLY one who would know when that time is.
Each person is different in the coming through...but the basic things are the same.
The quickest way to get through is to face ALL issues, including the wounded children within.
In the meantime, you must focus on YOU, learning the lessons of a lifetime, making changes within yourself that facilitate your growing; understanding once again that you and your wife are individuals, although the two become one in marriage.
Hope this helps.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
