Invinceable

[MichelleLT]

People often live up to our expectations. Good or bad.

We often live up to our own expectations. Good or bad.

(((Mishka)))

[ernest88]

last night I got real still and sat and thought about the last two years or so..

I tried to imagine reconciling with Batchitt Crazy..

I actually threw up in my mouth.. IJS..

I have more questions..

Is Gabe "doing work"...is he working on the R at all???

[oldtimer]

"Is Gabe "doing work"...is he working on the R at all???"


On what R? Any R they have now would be a brand new R... They'd be at the casual dating in a non-exclusive R w/sex point I guess...

[ernest88]

"Is Gabe "doing work"...is he working on the R at all???"


On what R? Any R they have now would be a brand new R... They'd be at the casual dating in a non-exclusive R w/sex point I guess...

casual dating R???

casual dating

I would think they are in "live together" R...with benefits..

[mishka422]

I'm not avoiding, I'm absorbing. It's been crazy at work so I haven't had any time to write or read threads. If that damn volcano would just stop I'd be golden!

Off to see my C for the first time in 3 weeks. She will have a field day with me I'm sure.

I'll write more later.

[dday101798]

Off to see my C for the first time in 3 weeks. She will have a field day with me I'm sure.

You know mish, the one thing I really got out of my IC that really helped me was?

She had no problem calling b/s when I was lying to myself and didn't even realize it.

[ClingingToHope]

Mine hasn't really given me much. She just sits there and listens as I talk, talk, talk.

[MichelleLT]

A good IC does call BS.

A good IC makes you work. Sometimes it sucks. But that's what they get paid for.

If I wanted someone to listen and nod and smile, I would call a friend that I wasn't paying money to LOL.

[dday101798]

If I wanted someone to listen and nod and smile, I would call a friend that I wasn't paying money to LOL.

Back in the day, we called those folks bar tenders.

[mishka422]

So......(deep breath......)........

When I told my C her response to me was, "I'm not surprised. You have this love/hate R with him and having him in your home meant far too much together time especially since your mom isn't there to at as a buffer." I told her that I was angry with myself for allowing this to happen and further complicating what is already such a mess. She asked me what I really want from this (as you all have so this is nothing I wasn't expecting) and I was totally truthfull in telling her that I don't know. I'm too confused by this and all the feelings that are being dredged up. She just said that once I decide what I want from this convoluted R we have she will help me deal with it but she can't help me decide what that is. I told her I knew she couldn't make the decision for me and I only know one thing for certain, I obviously still harbor some love for Gabe even through he hurt me so badly and that upsets me. He hasn't changed at all, but I have and I don't want to go back to the woman I was who was content to just give everything I had to others but never make sure that my needs were met. That is where we launched back into my original therapy plan for the day which was assertiveness.

I'm no less confused than I was. Gabe is being much more attentive and acting in loving ways toward me which is nice (and odd) but I keep telling myself that he didn't leave her to return to me. He only left because she kicked him out and he moved back into my home because he needed a place to stay. The sex was only a byproduct of me being convenient to fill a need, not because he had any feelings toward me. I don't know if that has changed, but I don't think I have the guts to ask him. That seems like a really needy thing to do especially since I still am so unsure of my own feelings.

Brutal honesty, laid out here for you all. Go ahead and rip it all apart, but I know what I'm feeling and it's scaring the hell out of me!