Calling all affair annihilators & boundary setters

[pearlharbr]

As someone who has been piecing for the last year, I think the best thing you can do right now is nothing. You're still digesting. It feels like everything is urgent now but that too will pass.

The worst thing you can do would be to have H move back in right away. You're not ready, H hasn't proven that he's ready. Money is not a good enough reason. He needs to show you over time that he really wants to work on building a new R.

Finish reading Not Just Friends. There are chapters towards the end that discuss how to move forward either with your H or not. I also recommend After the Affair as a great resource.

Piecing is hard. Extremely hard. Harder than you think it will be. I'm not saying this to scare you or to deter you. I just think you should understand that it's going to take a lot of strength, energy and patience. You both need to be mentally prepared for that before cohabiting again.

And yes, part of that is that it may take some time for H to apologize to you. BF apologized to me right away but he didn't sound sincere. I got a few more before I thought he truly understood the depth of pain he caused and was sorry for causing it. However it did take him over six months to ask for forgiveness and that was almost a dealbreaker for me.

The things that maple listed were required in my sitch too and were all in place a couple months before I let him move back in.