Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Hi soleil, so good to hear from you again.

I do feel a lot better about myself. I'm happy again with my life.

I looked in on your thread and it seems like things are going along ok...slowly with a few bumps but still moving forward in a good direction for you and your H. Keep doing what your doing.

Reading you sitch and other Ws on here, I've realized something about me. It seems like some Hs who get a second chance stop doing the work once they get back with their Ws. For the life of me I can't understand that. Why would someone work so hard to get a second chance and then stop the work? Makes me think the work was fake and only to get their WAS back. If my W would give me a second chance I would continue to bust my a$$ everyday. I would never want to go back to this place. If a WAS gives the LBS another chance and they blow it then I can understand if the WAS wants to move on. I've been consistent with my changes everyday. I think if the LBS really does their changes for themselves then any reconciliation would be at least a little easier because the changes are for real. Just my opinion.

For the past couple of days I've felt a bit helpless. I feel like there is something else I should be doing to help my sitch. I feel like I want to do something for my W. Ask her to talk or out to lunch or dinner. Something. I don't know. I don't want to bring up MC again right now. I don't know if she would be willing yet. I feel like we will never have a chance if we don't talk. Sigh...I just want to talk to her. We could go and talk about the news for an hour, I don't care what we talk about.

I've had a few people tell me recently that they think my W will come around. They have talked with my W and they believe the M isn't over. That's great but honestly I am so tired of hearing this from other people. I want to hear it from my W. I want to know that she still feels something.

As a loving H I will keep backing off. I don't know everything she is going through or feeling. I would love for her to tell me. I wouldn't try to fix it as I did in the past. I would just listen. I want to tell my W that I'm proud of the strong, independent person she has become. I want to tell her that I like this new person she has become and would like to get to know this person. I would love to know what interests her, what moves her, what goals she has in life. I feel like like I did when my W and I first dated 19 years ago. I wanted to know everything about her. I want the same again. I want to know everything about my W. I don't know why I ever stopped putting the effort in to wanting to know and understand my W. I guess life got in the way but I don't want to make excuses.

So here I am after 6 long months. I know it's not as long as others but still just as grueling. So much with me has changed for the better. This M can and should be saved. As excited as I am to want to get to know my W again, I am just as excited to have her get to know me again (my likes, dislikes, goals, etc.).

Ok, enough of the long venting. Going back to my holding pattern now.