Well Nathan is pretty crushed, too, he says he wants Dan and I to live together. He talks about how it would be if we could live together on the farm and have a dog one day--which was always the master plan...in fact last Sept when Dan wanted to try again (after I went to a lawyer) his exact text was "a house on the farm and a dog of his own are reason enough to try"...
However Nathan also knows enough that he said one day, "It wouldn't make sense for Dad to move back bc then why did he leave in the first place?"
One thing I have heard a lot is that when you tell your kids about your D, you need to tell them WHY with small kids bc otherwise they determine that the D is because of them.
In my case, my WHY for the D is: Dan moved out/left me and said he could not promise that he would never cheat again if we tried again...because he did not know if he could love and accept me unconditionally.
However that is a lot to share witha child!
Meanwhile from his end the clearest reason I could get out of him was "I do not know how to get that spark back and I don't want to hurt you or me any more".
Again, how to explain that?
We actually haven't told the kids we are divorced and they have not asked. They know we don't live together-- they think we are still married but separated.
The neighbor girl put me on the spot the other day. We have probably 8 kids out in the yard at any given time thanks to the cool playset Dan built. Anyway she asks, "So are you and Sydney's Dad divorced?" Her bff said, "Mackenzie, that's rude"...I just said "Their dad doesn't live here anymore" because I did not want to tell a neighbor kid something I haven't even told my own kids. They were in the back yard so they didn't hear her question but still.......
Yeah so we probably need to tell the kids soon, right?
The big sister thing. Both my girls talk about getting a little brother. I can't have them any more. But they -- mostly D11 -- wants me to meet and marry someone with kids.
Boy life is more complicated this way.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I know at their age they might not get it. D9 even last year was asking when Daddy was going to come back and we had been divorced several monthes at that time. It is never easy but yes, I think it it time. Can you and Dan do it together? Might make explaining it easier.
hang in there. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I know at their age they might not get it. D9 even last year was asking when Daddy was going to come back and we had been divorced several monthes at that time. It is never easy but yes, I think it it time. Can you and Dan do it together? Might make explaining it easier.
hang in there. kat
I intend to do it together. He was texting me again Saturday about Sydney and her fussing for me (he texted me a ton while he had them) and in one reply I said btw we need to chat briefly.
He replied "OK, About" and I said "Something we need to discuss per my counselor" bc counselor is the one who said we need to tell them together and suggested telling them WHY we D'd...
So anyway he has said nothing since then so I need to bring it up. It has been ages since we have talked about anything relating to 'us'...although this is not R talk as much as 'kid talk' as it pertains to what/when/how we tell the kids. And I do not wish to decide that via text...
yea BBJ you might have to just in case something happens and a child says something to one of them. My children are older, and one day they freaked because B actually had dinner and watched a movie with us.....they were afraid I was going to get back WITH him....
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Ha! Mine would love us to get back together. It is more the opposite concern, if they find out I went to a party with another guy, if they are having a Dan weekend and he does that thing where he pops by unannounced to get a ball glove, tool, whatever, and I am hanging out with a visitor...that would freak them out totally...
Yeah, you are going to have to tell them soon. Maybe more details of the whys follow later. I don't know that they ever need to know that their dad is a cheater. Though they will figure it out, eventually.
But, you don't want them hearing that you are divorced from someone else.
BJ, I feel so bad for your sweet little kids and I would so love to kick Dan right in the balls.
Telling kids this little is tricky because you have to cover for the perp. But at the same time, I don't think kids should think that what Dan did is ok.
