despite my registration date, i've already lost 4 months of db-ing time. but during that time, our m was so rocky and emotions were high that it wasn't possible to do much. yes, there was a bit of crying, giving space, panic, omg what am i going to do? thoughts. i was a wreck for two months - see two months gone and db-ing hadn't even started yet. it wasn't until after that, i started GAL. things started to calm down a bit but d was still on the table. we sold our dream home and traded it in for two separate crappy apartments. this is now three months after the d-bomb and what kind of db-ing work has been done? only a few 180s and GAL. with separate apartments, i can now go dark. but again, just starting the 'going dark' process after d-bomb dropped 3 months ago
to be honest, i longed for my own apartment. i needed to be away from h and his constant verbal attacks and accusations. they say to not believe in 100% of what they say and only 50% of what they do. it's hard when they attack your character and not take it personally. it hurts and often that makes you question your decision to save your m or not. this alone can cause you to go back and forth and waste time i still have days where i want to give up db-ing but i find myself going back to it not because i want to save my m but because i need to do it for me i am making use of my time to do what i want to do i am almost coming to terms that i can go on with or without h
db-ing isn't an overnight thing. it requires you to make changes that will stick with you for life how do you tell if the changes are becoming second nature? only time will tell work on you for you
