Bond that's fair enough and understandable. I'm sure that's exactly what will happen if we make it to that point.
Today she came over and as she was leaving she asked if she could come home on Friday. I asked her what she expected me to do, and she actually expected me to stay somewhere else. I told her that I wasn't leaving. I said I'd been gone for six months and I wasn't ready to leave.
She drove away, and I was beside myself. I asked her to come back and stay with the kids because I needed to go collect myself. I left and went to some friends house to talk.
When I came back my W was in her pajamas in the bed with my D4. She got up and came out back to talk to me. I told her that I deserved to stay in this house just as much as she did. I said she's more than welcome to stay here anytime, no one is telling her she has to go.
She said how much she missed the girls, and I told her to imagine doing that for six months like I did. Now understand why I'm not ready to leave. At one point she was going to go where she was staying to get her stuff and come back. She said she would sacrifice herself for the sake of her children ( whatever). I told her I didn't want her staying for reasons like that and to come home when she was ready.
She asked me what I was expecting from her after only a week. I told her wasn't expecting her to come home yet, but that the children took precedence over her right now.
I asked her if she afraid of me changing or that the changes I've made weren't permanent. She said she didn't trust that the changes were real. I told her that was fair enough and understandable, but that I know myself pretty good and I know their for real.
After she left she called and asked if I would make a deal with her. She wanted to know if she could be with the kids on the weekend ad I could have them back on Monday and that would give us another week to figure out what to do long term. I told her she was asking an awful lot from me, and that I wasn't sure so let me think about it.
how long have you been back, a week, maybe 2 at the most and she wants to take the kids away?
Listen, just tell her, look it's been 6 months since I've seen the kids and I really want to soak up as much time as I can with them. If you want to join us as we have plans for this weekend you're welcome to otherwise maybe you can pick them up on monday and take them for a few days and bring them back tuesday evening or wednesday morning.
You don't have to bend over backwards for her, in fact since she wants to leave and not live at the home anymore, you really have to focus on you and the kids, what she does is her business.
Stop asking her about the changes you've made, seriously, how could any changes you think you've made be classified as permanent and long lasting, you're fooling yourself and her if you think they are - what changes have you made? Also trying to convince someone of the changes you've made communicates the opposite to that person.
If you've made real changes, live them, your actions will be far more powerful and visible than any words used to convince someone of that. Stop talking about your changes, in fact, you should be thinking about changes she's made, is she perfect? Probably not. Did she do things to harm the relationship and not take care of things you wanted? Probably.
Don't make this one sided, when you do, you give that person too much power, she's already sending out feelers to see if she can get you to move out, to stay in the guest room, this that, that this, etc.
