The journey begins

[iwantittowork]

Thanks, IWITW. That sounds like Eckhart Tolles "The Power of Now," which I've read. I'm having trouble focusing on the Now because I'm in the middle of the D and I'm still trying to accept that this M will end.

I could be his words, I have that book, but I have yet to read it. However, you will find this in many books, and many religions, and quoted in different ways.

I now look at this as the hallmark of emotional maturity.

Read that sentence again above.

How did reading that make you feel?

In my past, I would have said that looked like a judgment against me, when now I realize that it is not. When you are not living in the here and now, you will constantly: React to what others are doing, or saying, or how does it affect me now, or in the future, etc, etc, etc, and you will not be able to listen to what is being said by someone, or realize that what other people are doing or saying truly don't have anything to do with you but have to do with themselves

D11 started bawling in the car yesterday because of what's going on with her parents and for the longest time she's held out hope and I've held out hope.

Stop holding out hope for your M. Your W doesn't want to be married, for her reasons, and is on her journey. Continue on your journey, for you, and put your focus there. Does that mean that you could wind up together again. You don't know so again can't predict this, but the right here and right now is accepting that you are on your own journey and being the best CTH you can be for you and your girls. Show them that you do not need someone in your life who doesn't want to be there to define who you are, your happiness, and most importantly your life. It is your life to live to the fullest, regardless of your present circumstances.

I'm trying to accept what I did to help her to this point and that's not valuing her as a full partner in the M.

Here's a chance to work on acceptance. Accept that you now realize this, and then truly accept you can't change the past, then forgive yourself for these mistakes so you can truly accept and change them moving forward.

Today is clear and a bit cold ..

Just drop the rest of this sentence for a moment. Breath in the cold air. How does it feel when you do? As it nips your nose, and then fills your lungs, and you feel your chest expand? How does the sky truly look against the backdrop of the trees, or the house, what do the color's evoke in you while you observe the bird flying past, or your kids running by. Just stop and observe in the moment and forget the past and the future. You will find peace in that moment, and THAT is being mindfully aware of yourself in the moment.

I hope once the I's are dotted and the t's are crossed I will let all of this go.

Let go of it now.

Accept that they will get done, and no matter what you will be fine.

I know I am sounding all preachy and new age, but if you knew me you would know that is so not who I am, but this stuff works to center yourself, and truly find CTH that is important to himself and his kids right now..

Make the present moment a great one for CTH!